Lucky
by KJaneway115
Summary: After Voyager's return to the Alpha Quadrant, Janeway and Tuvok are stranded on an alien planet. It is up to Chakotay and the crew of Voyager to find them before it's too late.
1. Prologue

_A/N: Written for the 2016 VAMB Secret Summer Exchange for kjaneway100, who requested a J/C story rated NC-17. Since FFN does not allow NC-17 fiction, those scenes have been removed from this version. You can find the full version of the story on my Fictioning profile. Thanks to kj100 for the request and to Mizvoy for all her help and editing!_

* * *

 **LUCKY**

ByKJaneway115

* * *

PROLOGUE

"The enemy ship is still in pursuit, Captain!" exclaimed Lieutenant Spencer from the _Explorer_ 's ops station.

Captain Janeway grimaced. "Ensign Alfred, prepare to engage transwarp."

"Transwarp drive is offline, Captain," Alfred replied from the conn. "That last hit damaged the coils."

Janeway glanced at Tuvok. "Looks like it's not our lucky day. So much for a routine test flight."

Tuvok acknowledged her comment with a raised eyebrow and then reported, "Our shields are down to sixty percent. Phasers continue to have little impact on the enemy vessel."

"Arm photon torpedoes. Fire at will." Before Tuvok had a chance to obey the order, the modified runabout was rocked with a tremendous blast. Janeway was thrown from her chair, her head slamming up against a railing. A sharp pain lanced through her skull, and when she raised her hand to her forehead, it came away bloody. She blinked, trying to clear her fuzzy vision, and hauled herself back into her chair. "Report."

Spencer was leaning over Commander Ito, the fifth member of her team. "She's dead, Captain."

"Lieutenant Alfred requires medical attention," said Tuvok, kneeling over the pilot who had been thrown to the floor in the blast.

"Computer, activate the Emergency Medical Hologram!" Janeway commanded.

"Emergency Medical Hologram is offline," the computer responded.

"Damn it!" Stepping over debris and Lieutenant Alfred's still form, Janeway made her way to the helm. The alien ship had come out of nowhere and begun firing on them, refusing to respond to their hails. Despite their best efforts, they had been unable to outmaneuver it. Now that the transwarp coils were damaged, there was little chance of escape. "Tuvok, fire those photon torpedos!"

"Weapons systems are down."

"Could this day get any worse?" Janeway murmured as she attempted to pilot her small craft away from the unidentified enemy.

"Shields down to twenty-eight percent," said Spencer. "Captain, I don't think we can take another hit."

"Mr. Spencer, are there any M class planets in range?"

"Um, I'm detecting one, Captain. Less than a light year away. Heading one oh two mark four."

"What can you tell me about it, Tuvok?" she asked as her fingers flew over the _Explorer_ 's controls.

"The planet is inhabited. Scans show evidence that they do have space travel, but are not warp capable."

"Enemy ship is on a pursuit course, Captain!" Spencer warned.

"Landing on the planet would not be advised," said Tuvok. "Contact with these people would violate the Prime Directive."

"We may not have a choice." Another blast rocked the bridge.

"Shields are down," Tuvok reported.

Janeway clenched her jaw. There was no way they could land on the planet with the ship intact. "Tuvok, give me one more burst on the thrusters and then divert all remaining power to the transporters."

"Aye, Captain."

"Come on," she whispered to her ship, a craft she had only known for a couple short weeks, "stay with me just a few more minutes. We just need to get within transporter range of that planet."

"We're in transporter range, Captain!" announced Spencer.

"Tuvok!" Janeway ordered. "Now!"

Another explosion rocked the small ship, and the tactical station went up in flames. Janeway heard Tuvok's anguished cry as the explosion engulfed him. Without allowing herself to think about her friend's condition, she transferred the transporter controls to her own station. Smoke was quickly filling the small bridge, and breathing was becoming difficult. She fought for consciousness as she locked onto the five comm badges belonging to her team. As the controls began to swim in front of her, she ordered the computer to transport them to the planet's surface. She felt the transporter beam catch her. She tried to breathe a sigh of relief, but found she could not breathe at all. She caught a glimpse of the brightness of sunshine, and then felt herself falling into darkness.


	2. 1

**1**

The smells around her were unfamiliar, chemical. She was lying on something soft, and she could hear voices whispering and instruments beeping. Kathryn Janeway struggled to open her eyes and found herself in an unfamiliar room. Yellow curtains framed the single window, and she didn't recognize the foliage or the view outside. The walls were white, and there was a hanging bag of fluid that connected to her arm by a clear tube. She heard a monitor near her head beep, and soon an alien female was leaning over her. "Doctor, she's awake!" The alien was humanoid, with ridges that went up her arms and the side of her neck. Her auburn hair was piled up on her head in an elaborate do, and her violet eyes flashed with excitement as she looked from the monitors to Janeway and back again. "Where am I?" Janeway asked, trying to sift through the fuzzy images in her mind.

"You're on the planet Laiffa. I bring you greetings from the Laiffan people." Janeway regarded the nurse with bemusement, and the young woman's cheeks took on a violet hue, matching her eyes. "I'm sorry. Did I say the wrong thing? I've never seen someone of your species before."

Janeway looked around the room and saw that a small table next to her hospital bed held her uniform and comm badge. At least she knew that the comm badge's universal translator was functioning because she could understand the nurse. The attack on the Explorer came flooding back to her, and she struggled to sit up. "My crew! My ship! What happened to them?"

"Please, lie down!" the nurse insisted. "You're injured!" Janeway struggled against the nurse's hand, but found she was too weak to sit on her own power, and slumped back in the bed.

"So, our patient is awake?" A deep voice came from the other side of the room, and soon the nurse was joined by an elderly male. He had the same ridges on his arms and neck as the nurse, but his hair was white, his skin slightly wrinkled. His blue eyes were filled with kindness, and Janeway instinctively felt that she could trust him. "I'm Doctor Erho Setala."

"Captain Kathryn Janeway."

"Captain, hm? How are we feeling, Captain?"

"Please," she said, trying to be patient, "tell me what happened to the rest of my crew."

The doctor and the nurse exchanged a glance. "You were found in the woods outside of town. There were four others with you. Two of them had already passed on by the time you were found. A third died here a few hours after you were brought in; there was nothing we could do to save him. I'm sorry." Setala paused, allowing Janeway to absorb the news before continuing, "Your other colleague, a dark-skinned fellow with pointy ears, is here in our hospital. He had severe burns on his hands, face and body, which I'm treating. However, he seems to be in some kind of coma. I've never seen anything quite like it before. But he's alive, and I'll do whatever I can to help him."

Janeway closed her eyes and let her head fall back against the pillow. "Alfred, Spencer, and Ito," she whispered. Of the five person team that had set out on the Explorer a few days earlier, only she and Tuvok had survived.

"I'm sorry for your loss," said Doctor Setala.

Janeway thought of the families of those three officers who'd thought that their loved ones would only be gone for a few days on a routine test flight. She knew that Ito had been engaged, and that Alfred had had a young child.

The nurse interrupted her thoughts. "The dark man with the ears, is he Jagoday?"

"What?" Janeway didn't understand what the nurse was talking about.

"You were delirious," she explained. "You were calling out for someone. It sounded like you said, 'Jagoday.'" The young woman looked horrified as realization dawned on her. "He wasn't one of the ones who was killed, was he?"

"Vihalla, stop," admonished the doctor. "Captain Janeway has been through enough." He looked at Janeway. "You'll have to excuse Nurse Kopeki. Her curiosity is insatiable."

"The dark skinned man's name is Tuvok. He's a Vulcan. I'm human." Janeway tried to sit up again, and this time, Doctor Setala helped her, propping her up against the pillows. "I came here on a ship. I need to get back to my ship."

"Judging by the state you were all in when you arrived here, I doubt there's much of your ship left to get back to, Captain," said Setala. "You had a severe concussion and internal bleeding. Tomorrow, I'll ask someone from the Center for Space Exploration to come and talk to you about your ship, but right now you need to rest."

"When can I see Tuvok?" she asked, fighting the tiredness that threatened to overcome her. "I'm familiar with Vulcan physiology. I might be able to help him."

"After you recover from your injuries, Captain. I'm sure in a day or two you'll be well enough to visit your friend. Now, I'm sure you have many more questions for us, as we have for you, but right now, you need to rest."

The doctor was right, and Janeway felt her eyelids becoming heavy in spite of herself.

"I'll be right here if you need anything," Nurse Kopeki assured her, squeezing her hand. Before Janeway had a chance to reply, the darkness took her.

...

The next day, Kathryn awoke to the sun streaming into her hospital room. Nurse Kopeki brought her breakfast and showed her how to raise the back of the bed so she could sit up. The alien food was unlike anything she'd ever had before, but it was tasty, and Kathryn realized that she was famished. After checking her physical condition, Dr. Setala was true to his word and introduced her to Dr. Nellia from the Laiffan Center for Space Exploration.

Nellia seemed to be middle aged, older than Vihalla but younger than Dr. Setala. He had an infectious smile and an energetic manner, and Kathryn felt invigorated by his presence. He was extremely curious about how she had managed to appear on Laiffa. "We detected the explosion of your ship. We assumed that all aboard were killed. How did you manage to escape to Laiffa? There were no escape pods found near you."

Janeway grimaced, knowing that she had to be careful not to violate the Prime Directive by revealing information on the Federation's advanced technology. "My people have technology that allows us to travel great distances in a fraction of a second. I was able to activate this system before my ship was destroyed."

"This technology…" Nellia began.

Janeway interrupted him, "What about the aliens that attacked us? Do you know anything about them?"

"Very little," Nellia said. "We've detected ships matching their description, but only a few. We believe they are from outside our star system. Our space exploration program is relatively new, Captain. There are three other inhabited planets in our system, and we have established trade routes with two of them, but each of them is several days' journey from Laiffa on our fastest spacecraft."

Janeway turned her head away from the Laiffan scientist as tears welled up in her eyes. "With your technology it would take us hundreds of years to get home."

Nellia whistled softly. "Your ship must have been very fast."

Blinking back her tears, Janeway turned back to Nellia. "I have to figure out a way to communicate with my people."

"With the scientific knowledge you must have, surely you can show us how to enhance our ships, make them faster."

"My people have very strict rules about sharing our scientific knowledge and technology with other races, especially those who haven't developed it yet themselves."

Nellia pursed his lips. "I won't lie to you, Captain, the prospect of gaining the type of scientific knowledge you must have is almost irresistible to me. Your transportation technology, for example. I can't even imagine all the ways in which it could make our lives better."

"But if I were to give you that technology, and it fell into the wrong hands… Well, let's just say, I've witnessed the reason for our Prime Directive, as we call it. I won't give you our technology, Doctor, nor will I show you the science behind it."

Nellia sighed. "I understand your rules, and I will respect them. Your people must be very wise to have this Prime Directive."

Janeway gave Nellia a wry smile. "My people have made a lot of mistakes. We've tried to learn from them."

"Still, a people who can learn from its mistakes is wise. When Doctor Setala releases you, I'll do whatever I can to help you contact your people. Surely your rules don't prohibit you from trying everything you can to get home."

Janeway closed her eyes and drew a long breath. The doctor couldn't possibly know how apropos his statement was. "Thank you, Dr. Nellia. I appreciate your offer."

"I'd like to hear more about your species, whatever you can tell me. I'm a scientist, and I want to learn as much as I can."

Janeway offered Nellia a genuine smile. "Now that is something we do share. I would like to learn about your people and your planet as well."

When Setala appeared in the doorway and cleared his throat loudly, Nellia excused himself and wished Janeway a speedy recovery. After the scientist left, and after Setala had finished checking her vital signs, Kathryn lay back against the pillows, pondering her situation. Voyager had only been back in the Alpha Quadrant a scant six weeks when Starfleet had offered her and most of her crew a promotion. She had been one of the few to turn it down; the last thing she wanted to become was the bitter, angry Admiral Janeway she had met. She was determined to remain a captain as long as possible.

The _Explorer_ had been Starfleet's first attempt at a transwarp ship. It was a small vessel, the size of a runabout, and its test flight should have been a short and easy mission. Instead, their flight had gone horribly wrong, and now she and Tuvok were marooned on Laiffa, their ship destroyed, with not even a tricorder or a PADD between them. It would take weeks for a Starfleet vessel at high warp to travel the distance they'd reached by transwarp in only a few hours. If Starfleet did make it this far, they'd find debris from the _Explorer_ 's destruction; would they even have reason to think that there might have been survivors? She picked up her communicator from her bedside; she had already set it to emit a homing signal, but it would only be detected by a ship at close range. A Starfleet ship would have be in orbit around Laiffa before it would detect her signal.

Nurse Kopeki poked her head in the doorway. "Captain Janeway! How was your visit with Dr. Nellia?"

"It was fine, thank you, Nurse Kopeki."

"Oh, Captain, please call me Vihalla. Nurse Kopeki sounds so formal."

"All right, Vihalla. I will. And you may call me Kathryn."

The young woman grinned, and then noticed Janeway fingering the small pin that had been on her uniform when she'd been brought to the hospital. The pin was never far from the captain's side. "Kathryn, do you mind if I ask you about something? I know Doctor Setala says I should mind my own business and not ask questions, but…"

"You can ask me whatever you like, Vihalla," Janeway replied with a bemused smile. "I can't guarantee I'll answer."

"Your pin… Was it a gift from Jagoday?"

"No. No, it's from the… the organization that I work for. It might contain something that would help them find me."

"Oh." Vihalla couldn't hide her disappointment, and Janeway could tell that she had imagined some sort of tall, dark and handsome lover who belonged to the alien captain in her hospital. _If only_ , Kathryn thought.

"It's _Chakotay_ ," she said softly.

"Chakotay," Vihalla repeated. "He wasn't on your ship?"

"No. No, he's… He's very far away."

"Can you get in touch with him?"

"I'm going to try," Janeway said with a sigh. A long silence filled the room, and Janeway knew that the young nurse did not know what to say. She tried to lighten the mood. "Vihalla, I'm feeling much better today. Do you think you could take me to see Tuvok?"

"I'll have to clear it with Dr. Setala, but I think so."

"Good." Before the young woman could clear anything with the doctor, Janeway was pushing herself out of her bed. After speaking to Dr. Setala, Vihalla insisted on pushing Janeway in a wheelchair to Tuvok's room despite her protestations. At her first glimpse of her Vulcan friend through the door of his hospital room, Janeway gasped. "What happened to him?"

"Twenty percent of his body was covered in third degree burns. He has internal injuries, too. We're doing our best to treat them, but his physiology was a little harder to understand than yours, and his injuries were much more severe."

"I want to see all his medical charts. I'm familiar with Vulcan physiology, and I'm a scientist. Maybe I can help."

"I'll remind Dr. Setala about it." She wheeled Janeway into Tuvok's room and set her chair by his bedside. "I'll come back to collect you in a little while. I'm sure you want to be alone with your friend."

"Thank you, Vihalla." When the nurse had left, Janeway reached out to place a hand on Tuvok's body. His hands and arms were bandaged, so she rested her palm on his chest, feeling its slow and steady rise and fall. Even though his was unconscious, his calm, steady presence gave her comfort. She spoke softly, wondering if Tuvok could hear her. "Well, I've done it again. We're light years from home with little hope of ever seeing Earth again. Just my luck." She sighed. "Tuvok, what am I going to do? How are we going to get home? I need your counsel, my friend. Please, wake up. I need you to wake up."

The only sound that greeted her was the steady beeping of the monitor above Tuvok's head.

...

"Paris to Voyager."

"Chakotay here."

"We've mined all the gallacite that we're going to get from this site, Captain. We're ready to beam it up to the cargo bay."

"Good work, Commander. Send it on up and then move on to the next site."

"Aye, Captain. Paris out." Chakotay sat back, running his hands over the familiar armrests of _Voyager_ 's captain's chair. He still wasn't quite used to being in this chair instead of the one to his left, and he constantly had to think before addressing Paris, Torres and Kim, since they had all been promoted upon _Voyager_ 's return to the Alpha Quadrant.

He had been surprised when Starfleet had offered him _Voyager_. The crew's promotions and reassignments had happened so quickly he'd barely had time to reflect since they'd burst out of a Borg sphere into Federation space. Torres, Paris, Kim and the EMH had all remained on Voyager, but Starfleet had given Janeway and Tuvok a new assignment. From the little Chakotay knew, Kathryn was captaining a highly experimental mission, with Tuvok at her side. He wondered how she was faring and wished for the hundredth time that he'd had more time with her before their new assignments had forced them to go in separate directions. He thought back to _Voyager_ 's reentry into the Alpha Quadrant and the moments that had followed.

 _With an honor guard of a dozen Starfleet ships, Voyager warped towards Earth. Feeling as though he was in a dream, Chakotay was barely aware of his fingers moving over the helm controls. Through the din of excited bridge chatter, he heard Kathryn giving orders, heard Seven inform the captain she was returning to astrometrics, heard the pinging of messages as the captain communicated with Starfleet Command. Then he heard, "Commander, you have the bridge," and he turned his head in time to see Kathryn disappear into her ready room._

 _He turned around in his chair to exchange a glance with Tuvok. The two men had developed an understanding over the years, especially where Kathryn Janeway was concerned, and when the Vulcan gave a small nod of his head, Chakotay gave him the bridge and asked Baytart to relieve him at the conn._

 _He buzzed the chime on the ready room door twice before it opened, and he stepped inside to see Janeway seated on her sofa, looking out the window at the now familiar stars. Her eyes flicked towards the door and then back to the view. She had one leg curled underneath herself, one hand propped under her chin. Her other hand fell listlessly in her lap. He could not see her eyes, but he could tell from her too-straight posture and shallow breathing that she was anything but relaxed. "Kathryn?"_

 _She said nothing. He saw her shoulders rise and fall as she attempted to take a deep breath._

 _Chakotay did not have time to think about what he should do or say; he simply followed his instincts. He took three long strides forward and knelt beside her. "Kathryn?" From his new vantage point, he could see that there were unshed tears glistening in her eyes. He reached out to cover her listless hand with one of his._

 _She pulled her hand away, standing abruptly and putting some distance between them. "What can I do for you, Commander?"_

 _He stood. "I thought… We did it, Kathryn. We're home."_

 _"Yes." She paused. He saw her shoulders tremble. "Home."_

 _"I wanted to… I mean, what are we… What can I do? To help?"_

 _"I'll inform you if I require your assistance, Commander. I need to put together my report for the admiralty." She glanced back at him quickly before looking out at the stars again. "Admiral Paris has assured me that all the former Maquis will receive full pardons. You can tell your crew they don't need to worry about that."_

 _"_ My _crew?"_

 _"The former Maquis."_

 _Chakotay felt anger and frustration well inside him. "Is there a problem,_ Captain _?"_

 _"No. No problem. We're home. Everything's perfect." Her tone was too tightly controlled, and her shoulders were still trembling._

 _"Damn it, Kathryn! Look at me!"_

 _When she turned around, the tears were still glistening in her eyes, and he could see her trying to hold them back. "What do you want me to say?"_

 _"I want you to let me in. Tell me how you feel, what you think. We've been on this goddamned journey through heaven and hell for seven years. And now…"_

 _"And now it's over," she finished. He nodded. She took a deep breath and let it out before speaking again. "It's over. You can go, Chakotay. You're free. You can do anything you want. You're not my prisoner, nor Starfleet's." The last sentence was almost inaudible, "You never were."_

 _"I'm not asking for your permission to leave."_

 _"Of course not!" She threw her hands up and turned away from him again. "You don't need my permission. Just go!"_

 _He stepped towards her. "I'm not going anywhere."_

 _"What?" She turned back, her eyes meeting his fully for the first time, and he could see genuine surprise there._

 _"I said, I'm not going anywhere." He took another step, and he was standing so close he could smell her unique scent. His hands grasped her arms, and he could feel her trembling. He pulled her towards him so her body was pressed against his; he could feel the heat radiating off her, see her pupils dilating. Her lips were slightly parted, and her chest heaved against him. "Kathryn," he whispered._

 _"Chakotay, wait…"_

 _He had been waiting for seven years, and he couldn't wait another second, not with her body flush against his, her breasts pressed against his chest, her lips parted seductively, her expression raw with desire. He brought his mouth down on hers, crushing her lips beneath his, his tongue demanding entrance into her mouth. He half expected her to push him away, but she didn't. Instead, he felt her tongue tangling with his and found her mouth open and pliant. She tasted so sweet. His hands left her arms and found her buttocks, pulling her against him. She embraced him, and one of her hands tangled in his hair. She hooked one leg behind his ankle and started to grind her center against him. He knew she could feel the hardness of his erection growing between them. One of his hands cupped her breast, and even through layers of clothing, he savored the sensation of her flesh in his hand and took pleasure in the moan that emerged from her mouth._

 _Suddenly, he felt two hands against his chest, pushing him away, and as quickly as it had started, the passionate encounter was over. "Stop!"_

 _Dazed, he stepped back, breathing hard. "What the hell?"_

 _"How could you, Chakotay?" Kathryn ran her hands through her hair and pushed it behind her ears, then attempted to straighten her uniform._

 _"Um, I don't think that was only me. At least it didn't seem like it." He paused, horrified. "Surely you don't think I would ever try to…"_

 _"No, no." She held up a hand, blushing furiously and straightening her uniform again. "You're right. It wasn't one-sided. I enjoyed that. I guess I'm as much at fault as you."_

 _"At fault? Are you saying that was a mistake?"_

 _Kathryn placed her hands on her hips and looked at him accusingly. "Seven?"_

 _Now it was Chakotay's turn to blush as he averted his eyes. "How did you know about that?" he mumbled. When he forced himself to look up and meet her stern gaze, the pieces clicked into place. "The admiral told you."_

 _Kathryn nodded. "What exactly did she tell you?" he asked, looking at her closely._

 _She sidestepped the question. "I know that you and I felt something for each other once. And obviously, there's still an… attraction between us. But it has to end right here, right now." She turned away. "I don't want to interfere in your relationship."_

 _"No, no, Kathryn, it's not like that." He stepped forward and placed a hand on her shoulder. "I don't know what the admiral told you, but there's no relationship."_

 _She turned around, shrugging off his hand and giving him another hard stare. "Isn't there?"_

 _"Well, nothing serious. We've had a few dates; that's all. Actually, she tried to end it earlier today."_

 _"Tried?" Janeway raised an eyebrow._

 _"I, uh, well… I wouldn't let her, actually, but now…"_

 _The eyebrow arched up even higher. "Now?"_

 _Chakotay ran a hand through his hair and sat down on the sofa, letting out a long sigh. "Now I feel like my whole word has been turned upside down."_

 _Kathryn sat down beside him and took his hand in hers, intertwining their fingers. "I know what you mean."_

 _"I guess our emotions were running high, after everything that's happened over the past few days. I wasn't thinking."_

 _Janeway withdrew her hand. "I see."_

 _"That doesn't mean that…" He paused, then burst out in frustration, "Damn it, this is so hard!" He caught her eye and saw her disbelieving glance. They were both struck with the absurdity of his statement and burst out laughing._

 _"Hard, hm?" she asked, running her eyes up and down his body._

 _He shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "I didn't mean…"_

 _His embarrassment only caused her to laugh harder. "No, I know what you meant. Having a conversation with Kathryn Janeway," she managed through her laughter, "harder than beating the Borg, the Kazon and the Vidiians." This only made them both laugh harder._

 _"No!" Chakotay managed, finally gaining control of himself. "It's not about you."_

 _Becoming serious, Kathryn shook her head. "It's about both of us, Chakotay. It's about our relationship, or what's left of it. We haven't exactly had the easiest go of it over the past few years."_

 _"No, we haven't."_

 _"I really don't want to hold you back from anything you might want to pursue with Seven."_

 _He studied her for a moment. "Seven and I must have been serious in the admiral's timeline."_

 _"Married."_

 _"Married?! Me and Seven of Nine?" Janeway nodded ruefully. "Are you sure she was telling you the truth?"_

 _"Think about it. If we hadn't gotten home today, you and I would never have had this conversation. We never would have…"_

 _"Kissed," he supplied._

 _"Right."_

 _He reached out and took her hand again. "There was a time when I used to imagine our homecoming all the time. I used to plan how I'd sweep you off your feet in the middle of your ready room, or on the bridge in full view of the admiralty. I used to imagine that I would kiss you just like that."_

 _"Is that all you imagined?"_

 _"Oh, no. I never imagined us stopping there."_

 _"Well, maybe sometime you'll be able to tell me what happened in those fantasies when we continued." She gave him a shy grin, but then her smile faded. "You_ used to _imagine it?"_

 _"It's been a long time," he admitted. "So many things came between us."_

 _"I understand. You don't have feelings for me anymore."_

 _"No, that's just it. If there's one thing the last half hour has proved to me, it's that I do. Or at least, I think I do."_

 _She made a vague gesture to the other side of the room where they had been locked in a passionate embrace only moments earlier. "You don't seem to be alone."_

 _They both looked down at their hands, intertwined on the sofa between them. "So, what now?" he asked._

 _"I think we should take some time," she replied slowly. "You need to sort out your feelings for Seven. Talk to her. Figure out what you want to do."_

 _"You deserve time to sort through your feelings, too," he pointed out. "You've spent seven years thinking about nothing but our crew. You need to figure out what you want."_

 _She squeezed his hand. "I know one thing I want."_

 _"What's that?"_

 _"I want our friendship back."_

 _He grinned. "That sounds like a good place to start."_

He and Seven had ended their brief liaison only a few days later. The former Borg had already tried to end it once, and adjusting to life on Earth only solidified that decision for her. While he had fought for them to remain together on _Voyager_ , his passionate encounter with Kathryn had convinced him that he, too, wanted to end the brief exploration that he and Seven had shared. Starfleet had insisted that Seven attend the Academy if she wanted to serve, and she had agreed to their proposition, so she was now on Earth earning her official Starfleet rank.

The weeks following _Voyager_ 's return had been filled with debriefings, and then reassignments had been doled out, and he and Kathryn had been sent in separate directions. They'd only had time for a brief dinner before she had departed on her mission, and they had ended it by promising to meet as soon as they both returned to the Sol System. Chakotay was jolted from his memories by the voice of Lieutenant Harry Kim. "You have an incoming transmission from Starfleet Command, Captain."

"Put it through to the ready room," he ordered, standing from his chair and leaving the bridge. The ready room was still full of the memory of his first kiss with Kathryn, and he couldn't help thinking of it every time he entered the room. He shook off the thought as he sat down at a desk he still thought of as hers and activated the comm. Admiral Paris' face appeared. "Admiral," Chakotay greeted him. "What can I do for you?"

"Captain, I have some bad news. The _Explorer_ is missing."

Chakotay felt his gut drop. "Captain Janeway's ship?"

"Yes. We last heard from them a week ago. They were headed into an uncharted region of space near Deep Space 11. We expected them back within two days. Deep Space 11 has received no response to hails and can't track them on long range sensors."

"What about residual ion trails? Signal beacons?" Chakotay wracked his brain for any tactic Kathryn might have used.

"Nothing. Captain Janeway must have deviated from her flight plan."

"If she did, she had a good reason."

"I'm putting your current assignment on hold, Captain. I want you to find out what happened to the _Explorer_. You know Captain Janeway better than anyone. If anyone can find that ship, you can."

"Aye, Admiral."

"Captain, there is one other thing you should know. It's highly classified so this knowledge should be shared on a need-to-know basis only."

"I understand."

"The _Explorer_ was equipped with a highly experimental transwarp drive. It's possible that they're a lot farther away than they could have traveled by warp."

"Well that's going to make things a bit more complicated," Chakotay observed. "B'Elanna is going to need all the relevant data on the transwarp drive."

"I'll have to speak to Starfleet Command. It's classified…"

"Do you want us to find Captain Janeway or not?" Chakotay shot back. "We need that information."

Paris pressed his lips together, considering this for a moment. Finally, he relented, "I'll send you the data. But I'm limiting access to yourself, my son and his wife, and Lieutenant Kim."

"Understood."

"Good luck, Captain. Paris out."

The Starfleet emblem appeared on the monitor, and Captain Chakotay was left with a sinking feeling in his stomach as he hurriedly summoned the away team back to the ship.


	3. 2

**2**

"Here we are," Dr. Setala said as he pulled his vehicle into a long driveway. They had driven twenty-five minutes outside of town and then turned down a dirt road. Kathryn had been wondering where exactly he was taking her. That morning, pending her release from the hospital, he had expressed his concerns.

 _"I'm worried about releasing you, Kathryn," said Setala, who had started calling her by her first name at her own insistence. "You have nowhere to go."_

 _"There must be a hotel where I can stay. I'll find a job so I can pay my way until Tuvok recovers and we can contact our people."_

 _"It's not that simple. You've been sheltered here in the hospital. Here, we're all trained to work with aliens. All of our employees undergo a special training program for interacting with other races. Not everyone on Laiffa is so accepting. Some think that we shouldn't allow other races on Laiffa at all. There's a faction that wants to end our trade routes and return to a policy of isolation."_

 _"I've been subjected to prejudice before, Doctor."_

 _"It's not just that. So far, these groups have engaged in peaceful protests, but there's growing concern that they may become violent. One of our neighboring worlds is considering preventing its citizens from traveling to Laiffa for pleasure and restricting their visits to necessary business only, because they fear for the safety of their people."_

 _"And you think that I might become a target for these groups if you release me from the hospital?"_

 _"Exactly. An alien woman, all alone, living in a hotel? You'd be a prime target if someone decided that they wanted to make an example of you. I'd be concerned for your safety."_

 _"It would be temporary, just until I can contact my people, and then Tuvok and I can leave."_

 _"What if you aren't able to contact them?"_

 _Janeway pursed her lips. "I'm not ready to give up, Doctor, and I won't be for a long time yet."_

 _"I understand, but I want you to consider the possibility. You may need a more permanent solution."_

 _"I think I can modify one of Dr. Nellia's probes to send a message to one of our ships. I want to start working on it right away. I have every reason to believe that I'll be successful."_

 _"I hope that you will be."_

 _At that moment, Nurse Kopeki came into the room. "I brought you some of my old clothes, Kathryn. I think they'll fit you all right."_

 _"Thank you, Vihalla. I'm sure they'll be fine." Janeway paused, hoping to find an ally in the young nurse. "I was just telling Dr. Setala that he can release me from the hospital. I can stay in a hotel and get a job so I can pay my own way. I don't want to rely on your charity any longer."_

 _"To be honest, I don't know if you could get a job. Even here at the hospital. Dr. Setala and I would hire you, but I think there would be outrage if we hired an alien. We'd lose patrons, or even donors." She paused. "Unfortunately."_

 _Dr. Setala gave Janeway a knowing look. "It's not just me being overprotective, Kathryn. This is a real issue."_

 _Janeway sighed. "I'm beginning to see that. But I can't stay in a hospital forever. I'm no good to anyone here."_

 _"Actually, Doctor," said Vihalla, "I had an idea about that." She stepped into the doorway and motioned to the doctor to join her. Janeway heard the two Laiffans exchanging whispered words, and saw Vihalla's face light up with excitement._

 _Finally, she heard Dr. Setala say, "That's a good idea, Vihalla." Then he turned back to Janeway. "I think we have a solution to where you can stay, at least temporarily."_

That was how Setala had come to be driving her to his mother's house. Mrs. Setala lived alone. According to his description of her, she gardened, mowed her lawn and cleaned her own home. Despite her gung-ho nature, there were things she was getting too old to do. She needed someone to run errands for her and do some of the heavier, more physically strenuous tasks around the house. In exchange for helping out, Kathryn would be able to stay in Mrs. Setala's basement bedroom. This way, she could 'pay her own way,' as she had insisted, without causing the uprising that would inevitably result from her seeking a job at the hospital or another public place.

Dr. Setala parked his vehicle and opened Kathryn's door for her, helping her out of the car with an extended hand. "You know, Kathryn," he said, "now that you're out of the hospital, it seems silly for you to call me 'doctor.' Why don't you call me Erho?"

"I'd be happy to, Erho."

Taking her small bag from his trunk, he led her to the house. "Mom!" he called. The moment Kathryn stepped in the door, she was assaulted by delicious smells. Although Laiffan food was very different from the food she had grown up with, something about the smell immediately reminded her of her mother's farmhouse in Indiana. "Mom, we're here."

An elderly Laiffan woman emerged from the kitchen, wiping her hands on her apron. "Hello, dear." She kissed her son on the cheek and then inspected her guest.

"Mother, this is Captain Kathryn Janeway."

"A captain?" The old woman smiled. "My husband was a captain in the Laiffan army, you know. That was back during the war."

"Mother!" Erho exclaimed in a less patient tone than Kathryn had ever heard him use. "Kathryn is not interested in hearing dad's military stories."

"Maybe another time, Mrs. Setala," Janeway assured her.

"Please, dear, call me Hoda. After all, you're going to be staying here for a while. You're practically part of the family."

"Mrs. Setala…"

"Hoda!" the older woman insisted, and Kathryn got the message loud and clear. Hoda Setala was not someone to argue with. "Now, Erho, set the table. I've got dinner all ready."

They ate together, and Kathryn enjoyed the home cooked Laiffan food as much as she enjoyed Hoda's stories about her husband's army captaincy.

After dinner, Hoda insisted that Erho give Kathryn a tour of the property. He showed her the boathouse and the garage, as well as all of his mother's gardens. "She'll probably insist that she doesn't need help," Erho confided in her, "but she gets tired. She's going to be one hundred years old in a few months. You might have to prod her a little, but make sure she lets you help her."

Kathryn laughed. "Oh, I'm familiar with that disease. My first officer on Voyager probably felt towards me just the way you do about your mother - frustrated!"

Erho smiled. "I guess the two of you are going to get along just fine."

"Thank you for arranging this. I am deeply grateful."

"It's my pleasure, Kathryn. I'm only glad I can help." He continued the tour of the property by showing her the Laiffan steam house, a small building near the main house, and explained that the steam house was the traditional Laiffan way of bathing, followed by a jump in the cool lake. Then he took her down to the lake, and showed her the beach and the dock.

"This place is beautiful," Kathryn said as they stood at the edge of the dock, looking out at the calm water. The opposite shore was covered with trees, and the horizon was lined with grey clouds.

"On a clear night, you get a great view of the sunset from here."

Kathryn inhaled deeply; the air smelled sweet and fresh. _Chakotay would love this place_ , she thought. It was his kind of place, pure, natural, and filled with beauty.

"What are you thinking?" Erho asked, watching her face.

"I was just thinking… I have a friend who would love it here."

"Well, maybe your friend will get to see it someday."

She bit the inside of her lip. _Unlikely_ , she thought.

Erho brought her back up to the house, where Hoda was anxious to feed them dessert. After enjoying his mother's homemade pie, the doctor left, and Hoda showed Kathryn to her room in the basement. "Tomorrow, you'll have to put the quilt out on the line," she said. "It gets damp down here." She pointed to the colorful covering on the bed. "I made that quilt for Erho's sister when she was a little girl. She can still recognize all the fabrics."

"It's beautiful," said Kathryn.

"Well, I'm going to bed now, dear. I'll see you in the morning."

"Thank you." With that, Hoda made her way up the stairs while Kathryn readied herself for bed. Vihalla had given her a bag of old clothes, including pajamas, a bathing suit, and some outfits she could wear from day to day. She put on some of the old pajamas and slipped under the quilt. She turned out the light and realized that it was silent. It was unnerving, after years on a starship, where there was a constant hum of activity. Even in her quarters, she had been able to hear the constant whir of _Voyager_ 's engines. The beeping of machines and the footsteps of doctors and nurses had been a constant undertone at the Laiffan hospital. Now, she could not hear a sound. It took her a long time to fall asleep that night.

...

Bracing her foot against the shovel, Kathryn forced the tool into the packed dirt. The shovel descended into the ground, and she worked it forward, then lifted it and overturned the earth. She took a step to her right and repeated the procedure. It had been two weeks since the attack that had destroyed the _Explorer_ and stranded her and Tuvok on Laiffa, and one week since she had been released from the hospital and come to live with Hoda. The elderly woman reminded Kathryn of her own grandmother, and the property made her think of her grandparents' summer house on Lake George.

In the past week, she had made daily visits to the Center for Space Exploration to work on her modified probe. The resources were limited and the work was slow; Laiffan technology was a good two-hundred years behind the Federation. She was only permitted in the lab when Dr. Nellia was present. She had met a few of the other employees of the CSE, but Nellia wanted to keep her secluded. He had echoed Setala's concerns about the xenophobic attitudes of many Laiffans. Kathryn couldn't believe that scientists would want to limit contact with outsiders.

"Isn't that contradictory to the scientific process?" she had asked Nellia earlier that day.

He had nodded and agreed that it didn't make much sense, but assured her that some of his own colleagues felt strongly that Laiffa should keep to itself. "They're afraid that by opening up trade and allowing aliens to do business on our world, their own careers and positions will be jeopardized. The truth is, the only ones who feel that way are the ones who know they aren't really that good. They don't want real progress because they'll be left behind."

She made daily visits to Tuvok's bedside. She had reviewed all of Dr. Setala's scans and had tried everything she knew to wake Tuvok from his coma. Each day, she reviewed the data again, thinking that perhaps she would come up with an idea that had as yet eluded her, but she had come to the conclusion that Tuvok was in a Vulcan healing trance and would not wake up until his body had healed itself.

Between visiting Tuvok, spending time in the lab and helping Hoda around the house, she kept herself busy. She tried to keep herself occupied so she would not spend too much time thinking about her predicament. But despite her attempts, she could not help but feel an intense frustration at her own helplessness.  
She had felt the same way many years earlier on a distant planet in the Delta Quadrant, and although Hoda's house reminded her of Lake George, her circumstances reminded her of her exile on New Earth with Chakotay. Once again, she was stranded on an alien world with no modern technology. During their time on New Earth, Chakotay's company and attention had sometimes made her uncomfortable. Now, she longed for his comforting, strong presence. In a way, she felt as though her time on New Earth had prepared her for life on Laiffa. She remembered how difficult it had been to let go of her duties and her life on _Voyager_ then, but now, six years later, she could feel herself settling into a daily routine, forced to accept that there was nothing she could do but take each day as it came. She was able to find moments of enjoyment in spite of her circumstances, and she had started to form real relationships with Erho, Vihalla and Hoda. She paused in her shoveling to wipe the sweat from her brow with the back of her arm.

"How's it going?" Hoda walked down the grassy hill towards the flower bed where Kathryn was working. She was carrying a watering can, which she used to water a nearby patch of flowers.

"I'm halfway there," Kathryn said, surveying the garden.

Putting down her watering can, Hoda came over and poked at the soil with a stick. "Good. This will be ready to plant in no time." Then she looked up at Kathryn, who was wiping sweat from her forehead again. "Why don't you take a break?"

"I can finish it today."

"Nope. Take a break."

"But…"

"No buts, young lady. Tomorrow is another day. You can finish it then. Right now, you look like you need a dip in the lake!"

Kathryn laughed. "That does sound good."

"Erho just phoned and said he's coming by before dinner. I told him it's about time he got you out in that boat, so hurry up and go for your swim so he can take you for a boat ride before we eat. I'll put the shovel away."

Knowing there was no use in arguing, Kathryn hurried up the hill to the house to change. Five minutes later, clad in one of the hand-me-down swim suits from Vihalla, she was plunging into the water, enjoying the cool liquid as it washed the sweat off her warm skin. The lake water was soft, softer than any water she had even felt, and she relished its healing coolness as she swam. Feeling refreshed after her swim, she threw on some clothes and pulled her hair up in a clip. It was getting long; she hadn't had time for a trim since being on Voyager.

She was pulling dry towels from the clothes line when she heard Erho's voice. "Hello, Kathryn."

"Erho, nice to see you."

"My mother said you'd enjoy a boat ride."

"It was her idea. I'm sure I would enjoy it, but I don't want to be an inconvenience to you."

"It's no trouble. Just give me a minute to get the boat out of the boathouse."

Kathryn finished taking care of the towels and by the time she was done, Erho had pulled the boat up alongside the dock. The boat was small, but well cared for, and Erho extended a rough hand to help Kathryn step into it from the dock. "What do you use the boat for mostly?" she asked, settling into a chair towards the bow.

"My dad used to go out fishing in it. Funny, because he never really liked to eat fish. But the rest of us did, and I guess he liked the act of fishing. I don't have much time to use it, myself, but my mom likes a boat ride every now and then. And I guess my brother goes fishing when he comes to visit." He pushed away from the dock and started the boat's motor. Soon, they were off. Kathryn loved being on the water, and she relished the sensation of the wind in her hair and the sun on her face. Erho slowed the motor to point out particularly grand houses, but most of the lake was populated with modest homes and small cabins, much like Hoda's. They drove past children jumping off a dock, screeching with delight, and Kathryn even saw a furry animal at the end of another dock that resembled a dog. Erho explained how some of the people who lived on the islands could only get there by boat; there were no roads at all. They passed couples sitting outside enjoying an evening drink or meal, and waved to passing boats as they sped by.

Finally, Erho pointed the boat back towards home. He held the boat against the dock so Kathryn could get out before putting it back in the boathouse. She met him at the door of the boathouse. "Thank you. That was wonderful, the most fun I've had since I've been here."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it." He paused as they walked slowly up to the house together. "How are you doing, Kathryn?"

"I'm fine."

"No, really. How are things going? Is Dr. Nellia accommodating you? Is my mother driving you crazy yet?"

"Dr. Nellia is very helpful. I have every hope that I'll be able to construct a probe that will be able to send a message to my people. And your mother is wonderful. She reminds me of my grandmother. She was another stubborn, feisty woman who had a house on the lake. I feel as at home here as I possibly could, under the circumstances." She paused. They had stopped at the bottom of the stairs that led up to the deck. "Of course, there are times when I feel terribly lonely. I wonder if I'll ever see my friends or family again."

"In a way, that means you're lucky. If you didn't feel that, then you wouldn't have anything worth going home to," Erho said softly.

Janeway looked up at him with a small smile. "Yes, I suppose that's true."

"Are you just going to stand there chatting, or are you coming in for dinner?" Hoda asked from the top of the stairwell.

"I can't stay, Mom. I told you. I have a meeting."

"Oh. Are you sure? I have your favorite cookies for dessert." "I have to go, Mom. I'll see you soon, okay?"

"Okay," Hoda replied, sounding unsure.

"I'm looking forward to dinner, Hoda," said Kathryn, trying to raise the older woman's spirits.

"Good," she said. "At least somebody's going to eat around here." Erho kissed his mother and wished Kathryn a good evening, leaving the two women alone.

Hoda's meals were the epitome of what Tom Paris would have called "comfort food." She made stews and roasts, soups and homemade bread. The flavors were different from anything Kathryn had tasted before, but they were good, and as busy as her days were, she found she was always hungry by the time Hoda had dinner on the table. As they sat down to eat, Hoda asked her about her boat ride and her swim.

"It was wonderful. I know it sounds silly, but there's something almost magical about that lake."

"That does sound silly, doesn't it?" Hoda replied with a smile. Then she became thoughtful. "Actually, there's a legend about it."

"Really?"

"Yes. My grandfather told it to me when I was a little girl. The story went that there was a young woman who grew up on the lake, not that far from here. She met a young man and they fell madly in love. That was before the First Great War, and her young man, well, he went off to fight in the war and was killed. The girl was so distraught that she jumped in the lake and drowned herself."

"That's terrible."

"The story goes that her spirit sank to the bottom of the lake, and though her body died, her soul was so pure that it survived. That spirit still lives in this lake, some say, which is why those who come to the lake feel a sense of healing, because the woman's spirit didn't want anyone else to experience the pain that she had. It's said that, on the night of a full moon, if you see your own perfect reflection in the lake, you can ask the spirit for your heart's desire and it will be fulfilled." Kathryn was enraptured by Hoda's story, until the old woman laughed and said, "Of course, it's just a silly old story."

"Of course." Janeway paused. "Sometimes ancient legends have truth to them, even if they are just silly stories."

Hoda reached across the table and patted Kathryn's hand. "Ah, you are a smart one, Kathryn Janeway. It's too bad my Arvy isn't around. He would have loved to know you." Hoda paused. Kathryn knew that Arvy had been Hoda's husband, but she didn't want to pry into the older woman's business. "It's a shame he had to die so young, a real shame. He got sick, you know, a tumor. Nothing our poor son could do about it, except make him a little more comfortable towards the end. That was hard on Erho."

"I know what it's like to watch your father suffer and not be able to do anything about it," Kathryn whispered. After she'd said it, she was surprised that the words had come out so easily.

"Your father's gone, too, is he?"

"Yes. A long time ago. I, um, I was there. I couldn't save him."

Hoda reached across the table and cupped Kathryn's cheek in her wrinkled hand. "You're not responsible for his death, Kathryn, any more than Erho was responsible for my Arvy's sickness."

Janeway felt tears spring to her eyes as she looked into Hoda's kind face. "Thank you," she whispered.

Hoda smiled and gave her cheek a motherly pat, then set about to cleaning up the dinner dishes.

"Hoda, let me do that."

"You can clear the table, but I'll clean up. I know where everything goes."

Janeway smiled. If there was an upside to being stranded on Laiffa, getting to know Hoda Setala was definitely part of it.

...

"We've reached the _Explorer_ 's last confirmed coordinates, Captain," reported Harry Kim.

"Scan the area," Chakotay ordered. "Are there any spatial phenomena or anomalies in the system?"

"Scanning now."

Chakotay knew Kathryn's insatiable curiosity and hoped that there would be something here that would lead him in the direction she had gone.

"No nebulas. No spatial distortions. I'm not picking up any unusual phenomena," Kim reported.

"B'Elanna?" Tom asked. She was sitting at the bridge's engineering station.

"I'm reprogramming the long range sensors to scan for transwarp particles."

"Come on, Kathryn," Chakotay muttered. "Give me a clue."

"I'm picking up evidence of transwarp particles on long range sensors," said Torres. "The trail is rapidly decaying. It looks like it's been a while since they came this way. The closest I can pick it up is a few light years from here."

"That has to be them," said Chakotay. "There aren't any other transwarp ships in this sector."

"Not that we know of," pointed out Paris.

"True, but it's the best lead we've got. B'Elanna, transfer those coordinates to the helm. Helm, lay in a course."

"Aye, Captain," replied Baytart from the conn.

"Engage, warp 9. B'Elanna, continue to scan for the transwarp particles. We'll adjust our course accordingly."

"Already working on it," B'Elanna replied.

As _Voyager_ sped towards the transwarp trail at high warp, Chakotay knew that they were days, possibly even weeks behind the _Explorer_. In the chair next to his, Tom Paris seemed to sense his thoughts. "It could be that their transwarp drive malfunctioned," Paris said. "Maybe they ended up too far out for subspace communication, and they're making repairs."

"Maybe." Chakotay knew he sounded doubtful. "There were only five of them on that ship. Kathryn, Tuvok, an engineer, a science officer and a pilot. Not a big repair team."

"Captain Janeway is the best there is, and I'm sure she was fully briefed on the drive before they left."

"Yes."

Paris regarded his captain and his friend for a moment, noting Chakotay's furrowed brow and intense expression. "You're afraid that something happened to them."

"The only possible explanation for Captain Janeway not communicating with Starfleet is that she couldn't. Which means that either they're too far out of range, or too damaged, or…" Chakotay couldn't bear to speak the final possibility that had entered his mind.

"We'll find her, Chakotay," Paris said softly.

The captain gripped the armrests of his chair and stared ahead, determination shining in his eyes. "We better."

...

Janeway was working, hunched over her probe, when Dr. Nellia poked his head into the lab. "Captain, I need to go," he said. "My wife will have my ridges if I'm late for dinner again this week."

"Go ahead, Doctor. I just have one more modification to make to this probe, and then it will be ready to launch."

Nellia frowned. "Are you sure you'll be all right here by yourself?"

Janeway found the doctor's concern both touching and annoying. "I've been stranded on the other side of the galaxy. I think I can handle turning off the lights and closing the door."

"I'm not questioning your competency, Captain. I know you've been here for a few weeks now, but Dr. Setala and I have done our best to protect you during that time. I don't want to leave you here alone."

"I appreciate your concern, Doctor, but I'm more than capable of protecting myself. I'm so close to finishing this; I just want to get it done. If I can finish it tonight, we can launch tomorrow. And the sooner I launch this probe, the sooner I can leave Laiffa so you don't have to worry about me anymore."

"Very well, Captain. If you insist. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Doctor." Nellia left, and Janeway was alone. She felt guilty for a moment as she realized that Nellia's parting tone had been terse. Perhaps her refusal of his protection had offended him. She put the thought out of her mind; she'd apologize to the doctor the next day. Right now, she had too much work to do.

The Laiffan computer systems were antiquated, and she had often wished she had a tricorder to interface with them. But in the course of the two weeks since she had been released from the hospital, she had devoted herself to working on the probe and had become familiar with the Laiffan computer language. She manually adjusted one final circuit and then programmed the probe to transmit a distress call that would be detected by any Starfleet ship. An hour later, she was finished. She considered calling Dr. Nellia and asking him to return to the lab so they could launch the probe right away, but then she remembered that he was home with his family and didn't want to be disturbed. He had been beyond generous with his time and his research equipment; she didn't want to impose on him any further.

Janeway turned off the lights and locked the lab behind her. She took her coat from the coat rack in the hallway and made her way towards the front door of the CSE. There were a few others working late, and she passed them in the halls. Some gave her a friendly smile, while others looked at her with curiosity. A few regarded her with disdain or fear. She disregarded their reactions, instead turning her mind to Tuvok. She hadn't visited him that day; she had been absorbed in her work, but she was sure that Dr. Setala would have contacted her immediately if there had been any change in his condition. She thought about Hoda's legend of the lake and wondered if it was worth asking the lake spirit to bring Tuvok out of his coma. She shook her head, unable to believe she was even considering such a thing. But it had been almost three weeks since their arrival on Laiffa, and she felt no closer to getting home or finding a cure for Tuvok than she had been when she had first awoken in the hospital. At least the probe could be launched first thing in the morning.

A male voice jolted her from her thoughts. "Captain Janeway, isn't it?"

"Yes. And you are?"

"Taisto. Taisto Lapala."

"Right, Mr. Lapala." Lapala worked in the astrophysics department of the CSE, and Janeway knew him only by reputation. He was tall and muscular, with dark hair and dark eyes. Kathryn had heard some of the lab techs talking about how attractive they thought he was, but there was something about the Laiffan astrophysicist that made her uncomfortable.

"You know, Captain, I heard you have technology that can transport people and objects from one place to another in the blink of an eye. Is that true?"

"I'm not at liberty to discuss that with you, Mr. Lapala. Goodnight." They emerged into the CSE's main lobby, and Janeway waved to the front desk attendant as she swiped her access card at the building's exit. To her dismay, Lapala did the same and followed her out of the building.

"Not at liberty?" he scoffed. "Not so, my dear lady. You have every liberty. You're just being selfish, refusing to share your technology with us even though it would make our lives so much better."

Janeway stopped to face him. "I am abiding by the laws of my government, just as you must abide by the laws of yours."

Lapala stepped a little too close, towering over Janeway as he looked down into her eyes. The fear and anger that she saw in his expression sent a shiver down her spine. "I refuse to obey laws that should never be. Like the one that gives you the right to be standing free on Laiffan soil."

"Excuse me, Mr. Lapala. I think this conversation is finished." Janeway tried to maneuver around the tall Laiffan. Instead of letting her pass, he grabbed her wrist, hard. "Let me go," Janeway ordered in a quiet but deadly tone. Lapala seemed surprised by her ferocity. "I said, let me go. Or I'll have you on your back on the ground in front of whichever of your colleagues happens to be passing by." Caught off guard, Lapala released his grip, and Janeway bolted for her car. She got in, locked the door and sped away from the CSE without looking back. During the drive to Hoda's, she regained control of her breathing, but when she walked in the door, she had not yet managed to gain control of her anger.

When she marched into the house, she found Hoda sitting at the dinner table with Dr. Setala. They had already finished their meal. "There you are!" Hoda exclaimed. "We didn't wait for you."

The doctor stood when she came in, observing the expression on her face. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Something happened. What is it?"

"I told you, it's nothing."

Erho reached out to stop her from retreating. She withdrew her hand quickly, and this only increased his concern. "Let me see that." Reluctantly, she extended her hand. A dark bruise was already forming around her wrist where Lapala had grabbed her. "Who did this to you?"

"I had an encounter with a Mr. Lapala when I was leaving the CSE today."

"Taisto," said Hoda, shaking her head angrily. "He's no good, that one. Never has been, never will be."

"Mother," Erho admonished her.

"Don't argue with me, Erho. I know a bad apple when I see one, and that Taisto Lapala is a bad apple."

"If you come and see me tomorrow, I have something that will help this heal," the doctor told Kathryn.

"It's just a bruise."

Erho crossed his arms over his broad chest. "Come and see me tomorrow."

"All right. After we launch the probe." Erho and Hoda shared in Kathryn's excitement about finishing the probe, and she was happy to shift the conversation away from her encounter with Taisto.

After Hoda had gone to bed, Erho offered Kathryn a drink, and they sat together in the screened in porch drinking a Laiffan beverage similar to brandy. "I'm happy that Dr. Nellia was able to provide you with the materials you needed for your probe," he said.

"Me, too."

"What do you think are the chances that your people will detect it?"

She took a long sip of her drink. "Honestly? I don't know. If Tuvok were here, he'd tell you the odds. They'd probably be something dismal. But I'll be damned if I give up on my people that easily."

"You must be an inspiring leader. If I was one of your people, I'd be as devoted to you as it sounds like they are, from your stories."

"We've been through a lot together." She didn't voice her fear that Starfleet might find the debris of the Explorer and think her dead. She could only hope that they would have sent Chakotay to look for her; she knew he would not give up.

"You don't give yourself enough credit, Kathryn," Erho said, reaching out to touch her hand. "You're here, alone, on an alien planet with little hope of ever getting home, surrounded by people you don't know. And yet you face every day with courage and hope. You never give up, no matter what the odds. I admire you."

Kathryn was touched by the doctor's frank and honest compliment. She didn't know how to respond. She wished she felt as much courage and hope as Erho seemed to feel from her. "Thank you, Erho. But I've had help, from you, from Vihalla, from your mother and Dr. Nellia. You're too kind."

Setala smiled. "You're deserving of our kindness, Kathryn. It's not charity." He glanced at the time and stood up. "Well, I have an early shift tomorrow. I should be going." He took his jacket from the hook inside the door, then grasped her hand, turning it over in his to examine the bruise on her wrist again. "Are you sure you're all right?" he asked, looking at her closely.

"Yes, yes, I'm fine, thank you."

"Don't forget to come and see me tomorrow for this. And good luck with the probe launch."

"Thank you."

"Goodnight, Kathryn."

"Goodnight."

Erho left, leaving Kathryn alone in the porch. Feeling restless, she made her way down to the dock. She sat down on the wooden slats and breathed in the fresh air, listening to the gentle lapping of the water against the shore. She looked up at the stars, finding comfort in their glittering presence. Erho's kindness and concern for her wellbeing had caught her off guard. His protectiveness towards her reminded her of Chakotay, and her thoughts strayed to a subject she had tried to avoid ever since she'd been stranded on Laiffa.

She closed her eyes, remembering the moment in her ready room when she and Chakotay had shared a passionate kiss. She could not forget the way his lips had felt on hers, so soft, and yet so demanding at the same time. She could not forget the hungry look of passion in his eyes the moment before he had kissed her, or the feeling of his fingers intertwined with hers when they had sat on the sofa afterwards, trying to decide what to do next. She had thought they had plenty of time.

 _That's been my mistake, hasn't it?_ she thought. _Always thinking I have plenty of time. On New Earth, I thought we had plenty of time. After Mark moved on, I thought we had plenty of time. After Teero and Quarra and Ransom, I thought there was plenty of time to repair our friendship._ And then the admiral had shown up and told her that her time was running out. Now, she might never see Chakotay again. She had always been unlucky in love, and it seemed that trend was only continuing. As she looked out at the blackness of water in the Laiffan night, Kathryn Janeway knew that she was completely, utterly alone, and for the first time since being stranded on the planet, she rested her head against her knees and wept.


	4. 3

**3**

"We've arrived at the coordinates," said Baytart as _Voyager_ dropped out of warp in an unfamiliar part of space.

"This is where the transwarp trail ends," said Torres, "but they could have travelled from here by warp or impulse power. If they arrived here two weeks ago, or more, their warp trail would have dissipated by now."

Suddenly, the ship rocked, jolted by a blast from an alien weapon. "What the hell was that?" Chakotay asked.

"An alien ship. They came from out of nowhere, Captain!" exclaimed Harry Kim.

"Hail them," Chakotay ordered.

"No response," Kim replied.

"Evasive maneuvers."

Another discharge from the weapon hit _Voyager_. "Our shields are down to eighty percent," reported Lieutenant Vosa from tactical; he sounded surprised.

"The weapon operates on a fluctuating phase variance," said B'Elanna. "It will penetrate our shields in no time."

"What about the ablative hull armor?" Chakotay asked as a third blast rocked the bridge, forcing him to grip the arm rests of his chair.

"The hull armor should hold."

"Engage hull armor," he ordered. "Keep trying to hail them, Lieutenant Kim. Lieutenant Vosa, target their weapons systems and fire at will. Baytart, evasive pattern Gamma Two."

The hull armor deployed, and the next blast that hit Voyager was ineffective. "Hull armor is holding," said B'Elanna.

"Still no response to our hails, Captain," reported Kim.

"Our phasers are having little effect on their shields, Captain," said Vosa. "Three direct hits, no impact."

"B'Elanna, how can we break through their shields?" asked Tom.

The engineer took a moment to look at the readings in front of her before replying, "Their shields are operating on a rotating phase variance similar to their weapons. I think I can modify our phasers accordingly."

"Good," said Chakotay. A moment later, Torres informed him that she had made the modifications. "Fire at will," he ordered.

"Direct hit," Vosa, the officer at tactical, replied. "It's working! Their shields are weakening!"

"Target their weapons systems. Fire again."

"Another direct hit. Their weapons systems are failing, Captain."

"Lieutenant Kim, open a channel."

"Channel open, Captain."

"This is Captain Chakotay of the Federation starship _Voyager_. Our weapons are trained on your vessel, and we've already proven that we can inflict severe damage if necessary. We just want to talk. Answer our hails, and I'll stop firing on your ship."

For a long moment, everyone on the bridge waited in silence. Then there was a beep from the ops station. "The alien vessel is responding, Captain. Audio and visual."

Chakotay stood as he ordered, "On screen." The captain of the alien ship resembled a giant insect, tall and lanky with six limbs that folded in several joints around his long, thin body. Two long tentacles protruded from his face beneath his large, bulging eyes.

"I am General Zik, commander of Her Majesty's Armed Forces and defender of the Xanthonian realm. Why have you invaded our space?"

"We aren't invaders, General."

The general rubbed his tentacles together. "Of course you are. What other purpose would you have for a vessel as powerful as yours?"

"We are explorers. Our weapons and defense systems are necessary in case of attack, but they are not the primary purpose of our vessel."

"Explorers?" the general tried out the word. "What does this mean?"

"It means that we seek out species such as yourself, but not to invade their space or conquer them. To learn from them. We try to become allies or even friends with the races we encounter."

General Zik's big buggy eyes narrowed. "And if a species does not want to become your ally or your friend?"

Chakotay put up his hands in a submissive posture. "We leave them alone."

"And what has brought you into the Xanthonian realm, if it is not to invade and attack?"

"Another ship of ours has gone missing in this area. We followed them to these coordinates. We are only here looking for our people."

"Ah yes," said Zik. "The first of your invasion force. Fortunately, we destroyed them."

Chakotay felt his stomach drop. "Destroyed them?" he whispered.

"Yes," replied the general. "The ship and all aboard it were destroyed."

Chakotay took a deep breath. "I'd feel a little more confident of that if I had proof."

"Proof? I hardly think that's necessary. Regardless, your invasion will be stopped here and now."

Chakotay clenched his fist and tried to hide his frustration. "General, we are not an invasion force. I told you, we are explorers."

The general turned to one of the other Xanthonians on his bridge and began a conversation in some sort of elaborate sign language. After several exchanges back and forth, he turned back to Chakotay. "We do not share this concept in our society. Many years of experience has taught us that most who come in the name of friendship are really conquerers and destroyers."

"I understand," said Chakotay. "My people also have a history of being conquered by those who claim to come in friendship."

"My first officer assures me that if you had planned an invasion, you would have brought more than one ship. I'm not sure I agree with him, but he does have a point."

"We are only here to look for our friends," Chakotay reiterated.

"I do not think you will find them," replied the general. "I know. But please, let us try." Chakotay exchanged a glance with Paris, unsure what they would do if the general did not agree.

After another sign language exchange with his first officer, General Zik asked, "What assurance do I have that you will not return with the rest of your fleet to invade our space?"

"You have my word, General."

Chakotay waited while the general consulted his first officer once again. "Your word is acceptable, Captain Chakotay. You may look for your friends, although I do not see how they could have survived. After that, you are to leave this area of space and never return. I assure you, if you disobey me, your ship will not stand up so well against my entire fleet as it has against my lone vessel."

"Thank you, General. I'll do better than not come back. When we do leave, I'll make sure that all my people know that this is a dangerous area of space that should be avoided at all costs. The Federation won't bother you again."

The general cocked his head to one side and rubbed his tentacles together. "That would be much appreciated, Captain." Then he crossed two of his long arms across his reedy chest. "To the glory of the Xanthonian realm and Her Majesty the Queen." With that, General Zik disappeared from the view screen, and his ship sped off, back towards his own realm.

Chakotay let out a heavy sigh and sank down into his chair. "That was a close call," he murmured to Paris.

"Yeah. A little too close." The worry Paris felt mirrored the expression on his captain's face. "Do you think General Zik was telling the truth?"

"God, I hope not. I guess there's only one way to find out. Harry, B'Elanna, long and short range scans. Look for anything that might give us any clue what happened to Captain Janeway." _Come on, Kathryn_ , he thought. _Give me a clue._

...

"Well, Tuvok, it's been two days since Dr. Nellia and I launched my probe. No response yet." The bandages on Tuvok's hands, arms and face were gone, and the burns had been healed, although his skin was scarred. As she sat by his bedside, holding his hand, Janeway hoped that when Starfleet found them, Federation doctors would be able to repair the damaged skin. "If you'd wake up, my friend, maybe you could help me find a way to modify some of the Laiffan technology to our advantage." She paused. "Or would you tell me that's a violation of the Prime Directive?"

She squeezed Tuvok's hand, looking for any sign of life in his face. There was none. "It's awfully hard not to share scientific knowledge with Dr. Nellia. What will I do if we end up stuck here forever? Try to forget everything I know? Nellia is very understanding about it; I couldn't ask for a better man than him to be in his position. He's a good scientist, curious and inventive, with a healthy respect for truth. Unlike some of his colleagues, whose attitudes are primitive to say the least.

"Did you ever think I'd be spending my days weeding a garden, mowing a lawn and running to the grocery store? It's certainly not what I expected to be doing when we took the _Explorer_ out for a test flight. There's something satisfying about it, though, about finishing a garden and making it look beautiful, or putting a fresh coat of paint on the shed. I almost feel guilty every time I start to feel good about the work I'm doing here, like I should be doing something more to try and get home. But what? What can I do?" She squeezed Tuvok's hand again, wishing more than anything that he would squeeze back.

"I try to remind myself that I'm lucky. Erho - that's Dr. Setala - has been wonderful. And Vihalla, well, you know her. She's a bundle of energy. She reminds me of Kes sometimes in her innocence and optimism. And Hoda. Hoda is a character. You have to wake up, Tuvok, so you can meet her. She's a force to be reckoned with, that woman. You can't argue with her; when she says it is a certain way, it is! It's sad, though. She's been alone for over twenty years since her husband passed away. She says she'll never remarry, wouldn't even think about it. Says that he was the one for her. What do you think about that? T'Pel must be so concerned for you, to get you back for so short a time, only to have you disappear again." Janeway lapsed into silence, not knowing what else to say.

"Kathryn?" a soft female voice came from the doorway of the hospital room.

"Come in, Vihalla."

For a moment, the nurse busied herself around Tuvok, checking his vitals, fluffing his pillows. "I think he's looking better, don't you? Maybe that means he's going to wake up soon."

"Oh, Vihalla, I wish I could have your optimism." Janeway choked back a sob.

The nurse pulled up a chair next to hers. "You can't give up hope, Kathryn. Tuvok is strong. You told me yourself that this is something his people do to heal themselves. You have to have faith."

"Faith has never been my strong suit. I'm a scientist, through and through. Faith was always Chakotay's department on _Voyager_."

"Tell me about him," Vihalla encouraged. She knew little about the man whose name Janeway had called in her delirium, save that he had been her first officer and her friend. Vihalla thought that talking about Chakotay might distract Kathryn from her distress over Tuvok's condition.

"About Chakotay?"

"Yes. Please."

"He's… When I met Chakotay, I had been sent to capture him. He was an outlaw. That's all been forgiven now."

"You were sent to capture him? How romantic."

"It was hardly romantic at the time. We found ourselves stranded on the other side of the galaxy. We had no choice but to work together. Luckily, Chakotay is a good man. He's a fighter. He stands up for what he believes in, regardless of whether it's popular or easy. He's a very deep man, a very private man. He's intensely loyal." She paused. "On Voyager, he did everything he could to lift my spirits and remind me that I wasn't alone."

"You're not alone here," Vihalla said softly, reaching over to take her hand. "You know that, don't you?" Janeway did not respond as her eyes remained glued to the slow rise and fall of Tuvok's chest. "You have me, and Dr. Setala, and Hoda. You have Tuvok. He may not be able to speak to you, but he's here with you, Kathryn." Janeway looked at the nurse who had been so incredibly generous to her ever since she had awoken in this hospital. "Thank you," she said, reaching over to give the young woman a hug. Vihalla returned it warmly.

"I have to get back to my rounds, but I'll see you soon, Kathryn."

"See you soon." Janeway gave Tuvok's hand one last squeeze and left the hospital, still feeling the comfort of a friend's embrace.

The feeling didn't last long. Outside the hospital, she nearly ran into Taisto Lapala. "Captain Janeway. Visiting your friend?"

"What I do with my time is none of your business, Mr. Lapala."

"Oh, but it is. Your friend is lying in that hospital bed using money and resources that are meant to be for Laiffans, not aliens."

Trying to control her temper, Janeway took a deep breath. "If my people ever find us here, Mr. Lapala, they will be more than happy to compensate your government for the care that we received here."

"I doubt that."

"Doubt as much as you wish; it's the truth."

"How can I trust the word of an alien?" He moved towards her. Janeway stepped back, trying to keep distance between them.

"Mr. Lapala, if you don't want to speak to an alien, I'd suggest you stop seeking out conversations with me." Janeway began to walk away, and could hear the other man's footsteps as his started to follow her. She picked up her pace.

"Taisto!" a loud voice bellowed, stopping Lapala in his tracks. The voice belonged to Dr. Setala, who was approaching from the hospital parking lot. "Taisto, I need to talk to you." Lapala stopped following Janeway as Setala approached him, and Kathryn took advantage of the opportunity to get as far away from Taisto Lapala as possible.

...

Chakotay was sitting in his ready room, drumming his fingers on the desk, trying unsuccessfully to concentrate on reports, when Paris called him to the bridge. He strode out onto the deck quickly, his heart pounding. "Report!"

"I'm picking up a Federation signature," said Kim, "but it's on long range sensors."

"The _Explorer_?" Chakotay asked.

"It's not a ship," replied Torres from the engineering station. "The signal is weak."

"Helm, set a course for that signal and engage. Maximum impulse."

"Aye, Captain," replied Baytart.

A few minutes later, B'Elanna said, "I'm getting a better read on it now. It looks like some kind of probe. It's been damaged."

"Can we beam it aboard?" Chakotay asked.

"Affirmative, Captain," said Harry.

Chakotay nodded. "Do it. B'Elanna, Harry, I want you to go to engineering and analyze this probe, if that's what it is. Find out why it was emitting a Federation signature and how it was damaged. Restore the data if you can."

Torres and Kim hurried to the turbolifts as Chakotay exchanged a glance with his first officer. "If she didn't have access to her ship, sending out a probe or a signal beacon is something she would do," Paris observed.

Chakotay nodded. "You're right. It's the damage to it that worries me."

A few minutes later, B'Elanna's hail cut through the silence on the bridge. "Torres to Chakotay."

"Chakotay here."

"Captain, I think you need to come down to engineering."

Chakotay exchanged a long glance with Paris. They both feared the worst as the captain made his way down to engineering. He was afraid to learn what B'Elanna and Harry had discovered. Did they have evidence that Kathryn was dead? He gritted his teeth and forced himself to remain calm as the doors to engineering swished open in front of him. B'Elanna and Harry were leaning over an antiquated piece of technology. "It is a probe," B'Elanna explained when she saw him approach.

"Looks pretty primitive," Chakotay replied.

"It is, but it was programmed to transmit a Federation signature." said Harry.

"Kathryn?"

"We think so," said B'Elanna. "It looks like something she would do."

"Why can't you be sure?"

"The probe was damaged by the Xanthonians," Harry said.

"If they killed her…" the captain started, but was interrupted by Torres' hand on his arm.

"If they killed her, I don't see how she could have modified an alien probe with a Starfleet signature."

"Tuvok could have modified the probe," Harry pointed out. B'Elanna glared at him. "Sorry."

"Harry's right," said Chakotay. "The probe could have been sent by Tuvok or any one of the _Explorer_ 's crew. Finding this probe doesn't mean Kathryn is alive."

"It doesn't mean she's dead, either," said Torres. "And it means there's a good chance at least one of them is alive."

"Okay," Chakotay replied. "What does this probe tell us, beyond the fact that there's someone in this star system using a Starfleet frequency?"

"There's data embedded here," B'Elanna continued. "Coordinates, I think. There might be a message, but I think it's probably damaged beyond repair. At the very least, we should be able to figure out exactly where this probe came from."

"How long?" Chakotay asked anxiously.

"Twelve to fourteen hours at best."

"Get to work on it right away," the captain ordered. "You have whatever resources and whatever people you need at your disposal."

"I'd like to keep Harry here in engineering."

"Not a problem. Like I said, B'Elanna, whatever you need. This is our top priority. The sooner, the better."

"Aye, Captain," replied Torres.

When Chakotay left engineering, he felt lighter than he had when he had entered, and he could only hope that his optimism wasn't premature.

…

The steam house was Kathryn's favorite Laiffan invention, she decided as she poured another dipper of water over the hot rocks and felt her tired muscles start to relax in the steamy room. Hoda's steam house had been built by her husband, and she had informed Kathryn early in her stay that the best way to use it was to pour on the steam until every pore in your body had opened and then plunge into the cool lake. Kathryn had taken to using the steam house on an almost daily basis, and it was especially rewarding on days like today when working in the yard and the gardens had made her muscles stiff and sore. The steam house was a small building not far from the main house. There was a small changing area off of the steam room, which was heated by a fire set in a wood burning stove. The stove raised the temperature in the room and also heated a large carton of rocks. The occupant of the steam room could pour water onto the rocks to create hot steam. There were three benches in the room, and Kathryn liked the top bench, where the temperature was the hottest. She closed her eyes, placing a cool washcloth on the wall behind her so she could relax back against it, and reflected on her day.

She had been to visit Tuvok and had told him more about Hoda and the close relationship she was forming with the feisty old woman who reminded her so much of her own grandmother. She still didn't know if he could hear her, but it comforted her to speak to her old friend. Her visits to the hospital frequently included a coffee or lunch break with Vihalla, and Kathryn was realizing how much she'd missed having a girlfriend on Voyager. Vihalla talked about the young man who had caught her eye; he was a doctor who also worked in the hospital. She talked about the latest fashions and assured Kathryn that whenever she wanted to, she would take her to her favorite salon for a haircut. Janeway hoped she wouldn't be on Laiffa for long enough to take the young woman up on her offer, but she did enjoy their conversations tremendously. And of course, hardly a day went by that Vihalla didn't bring up Chakotay or ask for a story about him.

Rather than making her uncomfortable, Kathryn had discovered that it felt good to talk about Chakotay with someone. Vihalla was a good listener, and Kathryn found the stories pouring out of her, stories of Hanon IV and New Earth, of discovering common ground and spectacular fights, stories of Chaotic Space and the alien who had tried to lure her into his matrix. As she talked, Kathryn started to realize how much she and Chakotay had been through together. "And through all of that," Vihalla asked one day, "you never… you never slept with him? Not once?"

"No, no," Janeway had replied, blushing furiously. "We kissed, once, though." And then out came the story of their only kiss, in her ready room upon Voyager's return.

"You'll see him again, Kathryn," Vihalla had assured her. "You have to."

Janeway had appreciated the nurse's words, but now, as the sweat dripped down her back and her arms, she felt doubt seeping in. Would she ever see Chakotay again? Was it time to move on and accept that her life was here on Laiffa now? It had been nearly a month since she'd been stranded here; surely if Starfleet was looking for her someone would have found her probe by now. She thought back to earlier that day, as she'd been leaving the hospital after visiting Tuvok.

 _"Kathryn!" Dr. Setala bounded down the hall after her, calling her name._

 _She stopped and turned around to greet him. "Hello, Erho."_

 _"I'm sure that Nurse Kopeki told you, but Tuvok's blood pressure has risen two points. You know his physiology better than I do, but I'd think that's a good sign."_

 _"Yes, I'm hopeful."_

 _"I just wanted to make sure you'd gotten the good news."_

 _Janeway smiled and noticed that Setala was not hurrying off to continue his shift. "Was there something else?" she asked._

 _"Well, yes, there was, actually." He paused and shoved his hands into the pockets of his doctor's jacket. "I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner with me tonight after my shift ends. There's a really lovely restaurant downtown that serves the best Laiffan cuisine in town."_

 _Janeway was taken aback by the request, and she closed her eyes for a moment. "Thank you for the invitation, Erho. That's very kind. But I can't. I'm sorry."_

The doctor had handled the rejection with grace and poise, and had assured her that he would see her the following day at the hospital, but she had not missed his disappointment. The truth was, she liked Erho Setala. He was a kind, generous and thoughtful man. He was a more than competent doctor who was respected by his people, and he took good care of his family. Perhaps in time, Kathryn might come to consider him more than a friend. But now, she raised her fingers to her lips, touching them, remembering Chakotay's lips on hers, and she knew that Erho Setala didn't stand a chance as long as she held onto the hope that Starfleet would find her. She thought back to Vihalla's question and decided that if she ever saw Chakotay again, she was going to do a hell of a lot more than kiss him.

Doused in sweat, Kathryn climbed down off the top shelf and ran down to the lake, where she plunged her body under the water, cleansing herself of the day's work. By the time she had dried off and dressed, Hoda had dinner on the table and was waiting for her inside. "Do you feel like a wet noodle?" the elderly woman asked.

Kathryn laughed. This was Hoda's favorite expression to use for those who had just come out of the steam house. "I feel relaxed."

"Well, make sure you get some food on your plate. We can't have you wasting away."

"Hoda, with your cooking, there's not much chance of that."

The two women filled their plates with the vegetables and meat that Hoda had prepared. They ate in silence for a minute before Hoda said, "Erho told me you turned down his dinner invitation."

Kathryn felt embarrassed. She hadn't thought, when she had turned Erho down, that she might be offending the kind woman who had been so hospitable to her. "He's a good man, I know that, but…"

"But your heart is elsewhere," Hoda finished for her. Kathryn nodded. Seeing her embarrassment, Hoda reached over to pat her hand. "Oh, don't worry, dear. I understand. You know, after my Arvy passed away, I had a line of suitors all the way down to the end of the drive. Must be something to do with my cooking." Hoda grew thoughtful. "Or maybe it was something else."

Both women shared a hearty laugh, and Kathryn's embarrassment faded as Hoda continued, "I didn't give a single one of them the time of day. It wouldn't have been fair to them, and it wouldn't have been fair to me, because my heart already belonged to someone else. It didn't matter that he wasn't here anymore." Tears filled Hoda's eyes as she looked directly at Kathryn. "Not a day goes by that I don't curse him for leaving me so soon."

"I'm sorry."

"No, no. Don't be. You see, I was one of the lucky ones. I found my Arvy. We had some good years together. We had three wonderful children. We built this house and this property up from scratch. We had a good life. We had fun together. That's important, you know, to be able to have fun together." Hoda paused. "I wouldn't trade our years together for anything, and even if I'd known I'd have to life the last twenty plus years of my life without him, I'd do it all over again."  
Kathryn was silent, absorbing Hoda's words. "You know, dear," the old woman said after a moment, "tonight's a full moon. Maybe you should go down to the lake and ask the spirits to bring your sweetheart home to you."

Kathryn laughed off the suggestion and let the conversation turn to more mundane topics, like the price of meat at the market and the neighbor boy's antics. But late that night, long after Hoda had gone to bed, Kathryn ventured out the basement door near her bedroom. The full moon lit up the yard with a lustrous glow; it reflected off the lake, making the water appear as though streaked with silver. She walked down to the dock and sat down, her legs folded up under her. She leaned over the edge of the dock, her hands braced against the wooden slats. The lake was still and calm, flat like glass. In the glow of the moonlight, she saw her own image reflected back at her, and she remembered Hoda's words: _"On the night of a full moon, if you see your own perfect reflection in the lake, you can ask the spirit for your heart's desire and it will be fulfilled."_

"Chakotay," she whispered into the blackness of the water. She saw her lips move in her reflection as she spoke. "Help Chakotay find us, please."

...

 _The full moon shone in the Treban night, casting a silvery glow over the lake in front of him. Chakotay recognized the place; it was a lake near where he had grown up on Trebus, and as a child, he had frequently played here with his brothers and sisters. He walked through the moonlit night down to the water, where a shadowy figure was sitting on the dock. He wondered who it could be and approached quietly, so as not to disturb the person. As he got closer, he realized that the person was a woman, and a familiar one at that. "Kathryn?" he asked, but she did not seem to hear him. Her silhouetted form leaned over the edge of the dock, looking at her own reflection in the still lake. "Kathryn?"_

 _"Chakotay," he heard her whisper._

The sound of a comm chirping jolted Chakotay awake. He had come into his quarters to rest for a few minutes and realized he must have fallen asleep. He checked the chronometer; that had been two hours ago. He hadn't been sleeping well since he'd gotten the news of Kathryn's disappearance, so he had needed the rest. The strange image of Kathryn from his dream came flooding back to him. Why had he imagined her at a lake on Trebus? The comm beeped again, and he didn't have time to contemplate the question. "Chakotay here."

"Captain, you're needed on the bridge." It was Tom Paris. His voice sounded grave.

"Report," Chakotay said as he entered the bridge a few minutes later.

"We were able to reconstruct the coordinates in the probe. That led us to another Federation signature. We're approaching it now," said Harry. "I've got it, Captain," Torres said. There was a long pause from her station. "It's debris."

Chakotay stood. "Analysis."

"It's definitely debris from a Starfleet vessel," said B'Elanna.

"Is it the _Explorer_?" Tom asked, also standing from his chair.

There was a long moment before B'Elanna answered, "The signature does match the _Explorer_." B'Elanna paused again as a heavy silence filled the bridge. "There's a lot of debris here, Chakotay. It looks like the ship was destroyed."

"No," said Tom, making his way over to the engineering station to examine the data for himself. He placed his hand on his wife's shoulder.

"Damn it, Kathryn," Chakotay exclaimed under his breath, joining Tom to look over B'Elanna's shoulder. "You did not bring your crew home only to die a pointless death a few weeks later."

"She may not be dead," Paris assured him. "We've known Captain Janeway to survive worse situations."

"Those Xanthonian bastards," Chakotay muttered under his breath. "I've got a mind to show them exactly how equipped for battle we are."

Torres turned around in her chair to look up at her captain and friend. "A battle won't bring her back."

"Maybe she's still alive. We can't give up, Captain," said Tom.

"Oh, we're not giving up until we know for sure what happened to them. Send some of the samples of the debris to the Doctor. I want him to scan for DNA residue. Harry, is there anywhere in this system where Captain Janeway might have gone in an escape pod, or perhaps by transporter?"

"There is an M-class planet in range, Captain. It seems they have space travel, but no warp drive."

"Technically, contacting them would be a violation of the Prime Directive," said Tom.

"I know," Chakotay replied, "but it's the best chance we've got right now." _Come on, Kathryn. Please be alive. Please, help me find you._

...

"Have another glass of wine, Kathryn," Vihalla said, holding out the bottle to her friend.

"I can't, I can't. I have to drive back to Hoda's."

"You could stay here tonight."

"No, thank you, Vihalla. It's all right. I've had enough wine tonight."

Vihalla giggled. "Good! I'm glad you finally took a night off to relax."

"I've had more nights off since coming to Laiffa than I've had in the last eight years," Janeway replied, thinking of the nights spent in Hoda's kitchen, boat rides with Erho, quiet evenings sitting on the dock writing in the journal she'd adopted now that she couldn't record an audio log. She hadn't had so much time to herself since long before _Voyager_ set out on its mission.

"Maybe that's why you had to come here," Vihalla said thoughtfully. "Maybe you needed that time."

Her friend's words gave her pause. "Maybe." She couldn't help the wry chuckle that escaped her.

"What's funny?"

"Nothing. That just sounds like something Chakotay would say."

"Chakotay sounds very wise."

"He is." Kathryn sighed, placing her chin in her hand, picturing her handsome former first officer, letting her mind wander to the kiss they had shared in her ready room. She didn't realize she had drifted away until she felt Vihalla's hand on her arm.

"Kathryn?"

"Oh. Sorry."

"You miss him, don't you?"

She nodded, biting the inside of her lip. "I do. It feels funny to say it out loud. I'm not used to admitting it to myself, much less anyone else."

Vihalla reached out and squeezed her hand. "Thank you for telling me."

Kathryn squeezed back. "Thank you for tonight. It was wonderful." Vihalla had insisted that they have a girls' night. They'd enjoyed wine and dinner, and Vihalla had insisted that they paint their nails. Kathryn had agreed to join her out of gratitude to the young nurse for her help and friendship during her time on Laiffa, but she had ended up having a wonderful time.

"Dr. Setala told me that you had an encounter with Taisto Lapala."

"I've had a couple, unfortunately. Yesterday, I was lucky that Erho saw Lapala trying to talk to me. He saved me from that xenophobic jerk."

Vihalla crossed her arms over her chest. "Are you sure you don't want to stay here tonight? You can go back to Hoda's in the morning."

"No, no. I'm fine. I have work to do around the house in the morning. Besides, Hoda will worry if I'm not there when she wakes up."

"Okay."

"Don't worry about me."

"We all worry about you, Kathryn. It's only because we care."

"I know." Janeway hugged her friend before gathering her belongings and heading out to Hoda's vehicle, which she had borrowed for the evening. She knew the road to the lake well by now, and as she drove, her thoughts drifted back to her conversation with Vihalla. She considered what the nurse had said about needing the time she'd had on Laiffa. It was true that she'd come to feel more like herself over the past few weeks than she could remember feeling in a long time. She was more aware of her own emotions and desires. She had become comfortable with Hoda, Vihalla and Erho. She had let them into her life in a way that she couldn't have with her crew on Voyager. It felt good to talk openly about her feelings for Chakotay with someone. She only hoped that she would see him again and be able to tell him how she felt.

She was jolted from her thoughts by a bright light coming towards her on the road. The lake road was typically deserted so late at night, and she was surprised to see another vehicle on the road. She slowed down as she realized that the other car was drifting into her lane. She honked the horn loudly, thinking that perhaps the other driver was drunk or had fallen asleep, but the other car continued to careen towards her. She swerved hard to avoid the oncoming vehicle, but she wasn't fast enough. She felt a hard jolt as the two vehicles collided, and then she lost control of the steering wheel. She heard the loud screeching of tires and the crash of breaking glass. She felt pain lance through her body, felt bile rising in her through, and then, she felt nothing.


	5. 4

**4**

There were voices around her, whispering. Their tones were filled with concern, but she couldn't quite distinguish one from another through the pain in her head. She struggled to open her eyes. "I think she's coming out of it, Doctor." The voice was Vihalla's.

"Is she going to be all right, Erho?" That was Hoda.

"Kathryn's tough. She's going to be just fine." This was Dr. Setala.

"Especially now," said Vihalla. "She has to be."

 _Especially now? Has to be? What does that mean?_ Kathryn wondered. She started to open one eye, but the light was too bright and she shut it again.

"It's all right, Captain," she heard Erho say. "You can come closer. Talk to her. I think she'll wake up, for you."

 _Captain?_ Kathryn wondered. _I must be dreaming. I'm the captain._

"Kathryn?"

The voice she heard then made her draw a shaky breath and turn her head away. Now she knew she was dreaming.

"Kathryn," she heard again. "It's me."

She felt a warm hand grasp hers, a human hand, and then she knew it wasn't a dream. She turned her head towards the direction of the voice and opened her eyes. Chakotay's face loomed over her, his eyes filled with worry. "Chakotay? Is it really you?"

"It's really me," he replied with a chuckle, using the hand that wasn't holding hers to brush a strand of hair back from her face. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm f…" She started to say she was fine, but suddenly realized she had no reason to lie. "My head hurts, but I'll be all right. When did you get here?"

"A few hours ago. We found your probe. It was damaged, so B'Elanna had to work a little magic, but it led us here. Imagine my surprise when Dr. Setala answered my hail on your communicator instead of you."

Kathryn looked around and realized that she was back in the Laiffan hospital, and Erho, Vihalla and Hoda were all standing around her bedside.

"What do you remember about last night?" Erho asked.

"Um, I had dinner with Vihalla. I was driving home." She paused, trying to remember clearly what had happened. "I had turned onto the lake road when I saw another car coming towards me. I didn't realize at first that it was coming towards me in my lane. I honked the horn, I slowed down, everything, but it kept coming towards me. Finally, I had to swerve to avoid it, but I guess I didn't." She paused. "What happened to the other driver?" Kathryn looked at Erho; he looked more angry than she had ever seen him, and she didn't know what to make of it. "What? What happened?"

"You swerved and crashed into the other vehicle. I don't think that was part of his plan, if he'd even thought that far ahead."

"Plan? Whose plan?"

"Kathryn, the other driver was Taisto Lapala." He exchanged a glance with Vihalla. "We think that he was trying to kill you."

She tightened her grip on Chakotay's hand. "That bastard," she bit out. "Where is he? In police custody, I hope."

Setala shook his head. "Taisto is dead. By the time emergency services arrived at the scene of the crash, he was barely hanging onto life. There was nothing I could do."

Kathryn studied Erho Setala carefully. She couldn't help but wonder if he had been unable to help Lapala or simply unwilling, but she would never ask. One way or another, Taisto Lapala had gotten what he deserved.

"Kathryn, I'm sorry," said Vihalla. "I should have insisted that you stay."

"It wasn't your fault, Vihalla." She turned her attention back to Erho. "It would seem that I owe you my life again."

"Well, it's a life worth saving."

"I'll second that," said Chakotay, reaching out to touch her face gently with his hand. His fingers hovered above her left cheek and eye. "I must look terrible," she whispered.

"The Doctor will take care of it in no time," he replied, squeezing her hand and leaning forward to press his lips to her cheek.

"This might be the first time in my life that I'm looking forward to seeing him," she quipped.

Chakotay gave her a mock-disbelieving expression. "Are you sure you're Kathryn Janeway?"

She laughed. "I don't know… If you'd seen what I've been doing for the past few weeks, you might have a hard time believing it. Laiffa is a far cry from the bridge of a starship."

"I hope I can see what you've been doing here."

"Oh, you must come and spend some time at the lake, Chakotay. Kathryn has told me frequently how much you'd like it there. After she's well, you'll both have to come and spend a few days," said Hoda.

Chakotay glanced at Hoda, surprised that Kathryn had spoken of him to her. "I'll see if I can clear a few days of shore leave with Starfleet Command."

Kathryn looked around the bed at Vihalla, Erho and Hoda. "I see you've met my friends."

"He wasn't very happy when he arrived and had to speak to me instead of you, believe me," joked Erho.

"I think that if Taisto wasn't already gone when Chakotay arrived, he would have killed him," Vihalla added. "He was ready to knock the living daylights out of whoever had done this to you."

Kathryn squeezed Chakotay's hand. "I'm okay."

"I know. And I see that you've made some good friends here."

"Yes. I've been very lucky."

Vihalla grinned, suddenly brimming over with excitement. "Speaking of friends, your friend Tuvok came out of his coma."

"We beamed him up to _Voyager_ as soon as we arrived," Chakotay explained. "The Doctor treated him, and he's awake and recovering. I'm sure he'd like to see you."

"I'd like to see him, too," said Janeway.

"Your friends here refused to leave your side. That's why you're here and not on the ship," Chakotay said.

"Dr. Setala has taken excellent care of me, but I would like to see Tuvok." Janeway looked at Erho and the others. "That is, if my friends don't mind."

"As long as you come back and spend a few days with us before you go off galavanting around the galaxy," said Hoda.

"Don't worry," said Kathryn. "We won't leave without saying goodbye."

...

Starfleet granted Janeway and Chakotay's request to take a few days of shore leave on Laiffa. Hoda had insisted that they stay at the lake, and they were all too happy to do so, avoiding controversy. Between the Prime Directive and the dangers of navigating Xanthonian space, Kathryn knew she would probably never see her Laiffan friends again, so she was anxious to accept Hoda's invitation. Chakotay was also looking forward to getting to know the Laiffans who had befriended and cared for Kathryn.

The first day had been packed with visits and introductions. Dr. Nellia, Vihalla and Erho had all come out to the lake to enjoy the day and spend time with Kathryn and Chakotay. Erho took everyone for a boat ride and lit the fire so that everyone could use the steam house and jump in the lake. Hoda cooked a big traditional Laiffan meal, and they ate, drank and laughed together. Erho lit a bonfire, and they sat around the fire pit, drinking cold cider and listening to Hoda tell stories about growing up on a farm in a small town where there was no electricity or motorized vehicles. Kathryn and Chakotay marveled at how much Laiffan technology had changed in Hoda's lifetime. They sat on a large log by the fire, Chakotay's arm around her shoulders, Kathryn's hand resting on his knee. She basked in the feelings of love and affection that she felt, both for the man by her side, and for the people around the fire with her. She remembered the night she had sat on the dock, feeling so alone, and the memory made her even more grateful for this moment. She snuggled closer into Chakotay's side, closing her eyes and listening to the hum of happy voices all around her.

The next thing she was aware of was Chakotay shaking her softly. "Kathryn?" She opened her eyes and realized she had fallen asleep on his shoulder. "Hm?"

She looked around and saw that the fire had died down to a few glowing embers, and that everyone else had left. "Where'd everybody go?"

"Dr. Nellia, Vihalla and Erho went home. Hoda went to bed a couple hours ago."

"Oh." She snuggled back into Chakotay's side.

"Come on, Kathryn, it's time to go inside. It's getting chilly out here."

She braced her hands on the log and sat up to face him. She could barely make out his features in the embers of the firelight, and she took his face between her hands. She brought her lips to his for a long, slow, languid kiss, their tongues dancing and melding in each other's mouths. When they broke apart, she whispered, "I'm glad you found me."

"So am I," he replied, gathering her against him in a tight embrace. "I can't believe I almost lost you."

"We almost lost each other." In the warmth of his embrace, her eyes started to close again, and he extricated himself from her and stood, offering her his hand. They walked in silence up to the house and she opened the door to the basement. She led him into the room where she'd spent the past month. He took her in his arms and kissed her again, catching her when she swayed on her feet.

"You're exhausted," he observed.

She gave him a tired half smile. "Oh, Chakotay, I want to do so much more than kiss you," she said, shimmying out of her skirt. "But I think I'm too tired." She collapsed into bed, wearing only panties and a thin tank top.

"It's all right," he murmured after stripping down to his boxers. He climbed in bed beside her and gathered her against him.

She sighed in contentment, savoring the feel of his warm, muscular body against hers. They shared one more quick kiss, and she fell promptly into a deep sleep.

Chakotay slept fitfully, distracted by the soft and pliant flesh pressed against his. Kathryn had obviously been changed by her experience on Laiffa. He had never seen her so relaxed and comfortable as she had been that day surrounded by Erho, Vihalla and Hoda. Nor had he ever seen her so comfortable expressing affection in front of others. During their long separation, he had thought long and hard about the direction he wanted their relationship to go when they next saw each other. She had obviously considered the same question and made her own choice. He smiled, looking at her sleeping form beside him. He didn't want to waste any more time, and neither, it appeared, did she. He inhaled deeply, breathing in the scent of her, and felt his chest swell anew with love for this woman. He had loved her for years, he supposed, but this was the first time he was permitted to feel that love fully and to express it. He focused on the steady sound of Kathryn's breathing and finally drifted off to sleep.

...

Kathryn and Chakotay spent the morning relaxing and talking with Hoda. They walked to the end of the road and back, a distance of about three kilometers, and enjoyed the wildlife and flowers along the way. When they returned from their walk, Hoda had prepared lunch, which the three of them shared together. Hoda told stories about her early married life with Arvy, when they had owned a tavern, and how Arvy had campaigned in the town to be able to sell alcoholic beverages earlier in the day.

After lunch, Kathryn assured Hoda, "We'll do the dishes."

"You don't have to do that," she replied.

"It's no trouble," Chakotay said. "Thank you for the delicious lunch."

"You're welcome, young man." Hoda disappeared for a moment and then returned with a small satchel. She took her car keys from the shelf by the door and announced, "I'm going to visit my daughter tonight. She lives a few hours away. I won't be back until late tomorrow. You two kids enjoy yourselves." She started to go out the door and then looked back. "Don't wreck the place."

With that she was gone, and Kathryn and Chakotay burst into laughter. "She's not subtle, is she?" he asked.

"No," Kathryn replied as she handed him a stack of dishes to bring into the kitchen. "Subtle is not a word I'd use to describe Hoda."

Chakotay was washing dishes over the sink, and she stepped behind him, wrapping her arms around his broad chest and resting her cheek on his back. He placed his hands over hers and then turned around to face her, cupping her cheeks in his hands. He bent down and pressed his lips to hers.

They finished the dishes and then went for a slow walk around the property, hand in hand, as Kathryn pointed out the gardens she had worked in, wood she had piled, and shed she had covered in a new coat of paint. "You kept yourself busy," Chakotay observed.

"You know me. I can't sit still."

"I was afraid I was never going to see you again," he admitted. "And then when I hailed you and Dr. Setala answered instead of you… Well, for a moment, I thought we were too late."

Kathryn squeezed his hand and looked up into his eyes. "I was scared, too. Scared that I had waited too long. I thought we had plenty of time, and then, here I was, stranded light years away, with no way of even communicating with you."

"We found a way, though."

"Yes, we did." She stopped to kneel down and deadhead a flower in one of Hoda's flower beds. "I even asked the spirit of the lake for help."

Chakotay stopped in his tracks, staring at her open mouthed. "You what?"

When Kathryn stood up again, her cheeks were pink with embarrassment. "When I first came here, Hoda told me a story, a legend about the lake. The legend went that under the light of the full moon, if you looked into the water and saw your own perfect reflection, and asked the spirit of the lake for help, that it would grant you your heart's desire."

"And you actually did that?" Chakotay asked, astonished, as a memory started to nag at him.

"I did," Janeway replied petulantly, putting her hands on her hips. Then she dropped her arms and grew serious again. "It was one night after Hoda was talking about Arvy. There was something she said that really stuck with me. She was talking about her relationship with her husband, and everything she said made me think of you. And then she said that she'd go back and do it all over again, even if she knew that she'd have to live the last twenty years of her life without him."

"That made you think of me?" Chakotay asked, stepping closer to her.

"I couldn't stop thinking about what she'd said. It made me think about everything we'd been through together, the good and the bad. I spent so much time in the Delta Quadrant wishing I could go back and do things differently, but now I realize that if I had, you and I might not be here today. And I would go back and do it all again, Chakotay, if it meant that we'd end up together." She held up her hand to his, and he placed his palm against hers, intertwining their fingers.

"So you asked the spirit of the lake for help?" he prompted, without a note of mocking in his voice.

"Yes." She held up her other hand, which he met with his own. "I went down to the dock that night of the full moon and I looked into the lake and saw my own perfect reflection. Then I asked the spirit of the lake to help you find me."

"Kathryn, this is really weird."

"That I talked to a lake spirit that probably doesn't even exist? Yes, it is."

"No, that's not what I mean." He paused. She's going to think I'm crazy. "I think I saw you, that night, down by the lake."

"Saw me? What are you talking about?"

"I had this dream on _Voyager_. In my dream I was at a lake near where I grew up on Trebus. I saw a woman on the dock, and as I got closer, I realized it was you. I called your name, but you didn't seem to hear me. You were leaning over to look at your reflection in the water. I heard you say my name."

Kathryn dropped his hands, putting her hands back on her hips. "That is weird, Chakotay."

He shrugged as they continued their walk around the property. "Maybe it worked," he offered. "I did find you."

"I think it had more to do with my modified probe and the debris from the Explorer." "The probe was damaged. We could just as easily have not found it. Maybe the spirit of the lake helped."

Janeway laughed. "You're not honestly suggesting that there's a spirit in the bottom of the lake, are you?"

"You're the one that asked it for help."

"Perhaps I should call that a moment of temporary insanity."

"Don't," he replied. "I think it's beautiful that you asked the spirit of the lake to help me find you. I'd like to believe that it did."

"I'll stick to the scientific explanation myself."

"That's my Kathryn," Chakotay quipped. "But just so you know, I'm not going to forget that you talked to a lake spirit."

They walked past the steam house and Kathryn stopped to light it, thinking they might enjoy using it that afternoon. She knelt down to open the small metal door that led to the stove and filled it with kindling and paper. Chakotay sat back on a nearby rock ledge and watched her work. "I guess you're better at making a fire than you used to be," he teased.

"Erho taught me," she said as she stoked the flames.

"He did, did he?" Catching the jealous tone in Chakotay's voice, she looked back at him, seated on the rock ledge near the steam house. "Yes, he did." Satisfied that the fire was started, she stood and walked over to him. "Erho is a kind, generous and thoughtful man."

"I see."

"But there's one problem with him, Chakotay."

"What's that?"

"He's not you."

Chakotay caught her hand, pulling her into him for a passionate kiss. When their lips broke apart, he was grinning. "I love that I can do that whenever I want."

"Mmm," Kathryn replied, licking her lips and standing on her toes to press another quick kiss to his lips. "That's not all you can do."

While the steam house heated, Kathryn and Chakotay changed into their swim suits and sat down by the lake. They talked quietly, enjoying the simple pleasure of being able to take each other's hand or share a kiss whenever they wanted. Kathryn's one piece suit dipped tantalizingly low in the front, and Chakotay could not stop his eyes from wandering to her breasts. Meanwhile, Kathryn was taking in the view of Chakotay's muscled chest and legs. An hour later, Kathryn checked the temperature and announced that the steam room was hot enough to use. He made his way up the hill to join her. She stepped close to him and trailed a finger down the center of his chest. "Did I mention that traditionally, one takes a steam bath in the nude?"

"No, Kathryn," Chakotay replied, grabbing her hand in his and pressing his lips to her finger. "You neglected to mention that part."

She pulled her hand from his grasp and grinned at him over her shoulder as she entered the steam room. She climbed up to her favorite spot on the top bench and showed Chakotay how to pour water over the rocks to create steam. Chakotay climbed up on the bench below hers and took a deep breath, already feeling the heat start to relax his muscles. "I can understand why this is your favorite Laiffan tradition. My people have a similar tradition called a sweat lodge," he said, leaning his head back against the top bench.

He sighed with contentment as Kathryn ran her fingers through his hair. With one of his hands, he massaged her foot. Kathryn's hands strayed from his hair down to his shoulders, and she leaned over, pressing her lips to his in a deep kiss. Head thrown back, Chakotay pressed his tongue into her mouth, tasting her. When they broke the kiss, he climbed up to join her on the top bench. He cupped her cheek with one hand and brought her lips to his again. His free hand skimmed up the side of her suit and cupped her breast. "Mm," she moaned into his mouth. He teased her sensitive flesh through the thin material.

Chakotay pulled back from the kiss. "What do you say we follow that old tradition?" he asked. She grinned, all too ready to follow his suggestion.

After they had thoroughly enjoyed the steam bath in the traditional Laiffan way, Kathryn tossed Chakotay his swim trunks and pulled her suit back on. She grabbed a washcloth and some soap from the steam house, and, hand in hand, they walked down to the lake. Standing waist-deep in the water, they took turns gently washing each other with the washcloth and soap. Chakotay leaned forward to kiss her neck, her ear, and finally her lips. She wrapped her arms around his neck and they stood together in the water, bodies and souls intertwined.


	6. 5

**5**

A loud crash jolted Chakotay from his slumber, and it took him a moment to remember where he was. He felt for Kathryn and pulled her body against him, her back to his chest. The crash was followed by a bright flash, and he realized that the sounds were coming from some kind of storm. After their escapades in the steam house and a swim in the lake, they had made dinner and watched the sunset from the dock. It had been particularly beautiful, one of those sunsets where the clouds seemed tinged with gold and the sky turned all shades of purple, pink and orange. After an evening walk, Kathryn had fallen asleep in his arms on the sofa, and he had carried her down to bed. He hadn't had the heart to wake her up; she had looked so peaceful in her sleep. She was still wearing her clothes, while he had on only his boxers. He had soon fallen asleep beside her, only to have been awakened by the noise from outside. He felt the woman in his arms turn to face him, her soft hand on his cheek.

"It's just a Laiffan thunderstorm. Nothing to be concerned about." There was another loud crash of thunder and Kathryn jumped in his arms.

"Nothing to be concerned about, hm?" he teased.

"There's not!" she said indignantly. Another rumble of thunder made her tense again, and she admitted, "You know how I feel about thunderstorms."

"I can think of a few ways to distract you," he murmured, tangling his fingers in her hair.

"Mmm, so can I." She hooked her leg around his waist, and pressed closer to him, finding his lips with hers. Her hands trailed up and down his bare back before finding his buttocks and squeezing them. She rolled on top of him, pulled her top over her head and tossed it off to one side of the bed.

A flash of lightning illuminated the room for a brief moment, and Chakotay caught a glimpse of Kathryn's pale, slim form above him, her breasts silhouetted against the bright light. He reached up to touch her, and even through their clothes, he could feel her heat.

Kathryn leaned forward, feeling her bare skin against Chakotay's naked chest. She trailed her lips over his ear and then kissed his forehead where she knew his tattoo was. She had stopped noticing the thunder and the wind; she was totally focused on learning every detail of her lover's body. She kissed his cheek and then found his mouth again for another deep kiss. When she broke away, she moved her mouth back to his ear. "Make love to me," she whispered.

Afterwards, they lay together, panting, and Kathryn rubbed his back. "That was amazing," she whispered.

"Yeah." He moved as if to get off of her, but her legs and arms held him in place.

"Stay." And he did. He stayed until his weight became uncomfortable, and then he rolled to one side, gathering her against him. Thunder rumbled in the distance, but the storm had passed. She rested her head on his shoulder, their legs intertwined, his arms around her, and, tangled in each other, they slept.

...

"Well, Kathryn, you're finally getting out of here," Hoda remarked.

Janeway laughed. "Yes, and now I don't want to leave!" she exclaimed, looking at the beautiful lake in front of her. She stood on Hoda's front lawn with Chakotay and Tuvok. Hoda, Erho, Vihalla and Dr. Nellia had gathered for a send off.

Tuvok, now fully recovered, had beamed down to thank Dr. Setala for his care, which even the EMH had granted had been excellent, given the primitive nature of Laiffan medicine. "That is an illogical response to the circumstances," Tuvok observed, "since you worked so hard to be able to leave Laiffa."

"I am looking forward to being home, but I'm going to miss this place, and all of you," Kathryn said. "I don't like saying goodbye."

"You'll always be a part of us, Kathryn," said Vihalla.

"We will never forget you," Erho agreed.

"You have our gratitude," replied Tuvok. "You undoubtedly saved both of our lives."

"I will never forget you, either," Janeway said, tears filling her eyes. Erho opened his arms to her, and she accepted his warm hug. "Thank you, Erho, for everything. You're a very special man."

"You, Kathryn, are a very special woman," he whispered in her ear. "And I'm glad you found your happiness."

While Kathryn bade goodbye to Dr. Nellia, Chakotay shook Erho's hand. "Thank you for saving her life, Doctor."

"It's one of the greatest lives I've ever had the pleasure of saving. Take care of her, Captain."

Chakotay grinned. "Oh, I will."

Kathryn hugged Vihalla, swallowing hard. "I'm going to miss you!" she exclaimed to the other woman.

"I'm going to miss you, too, Kathryn. I wish there was a way we could talk." The nurse leaned forward and whispered in Kathryn's ear, "I want to hear all about Chakotay now!" The two women laughed and embraced again.

"Take care of yourself, Vihalla. I know you have many wonderful things ahead of you."

"So do you!" Vihalla exclaimed, and then went to hug both Chakotay and Tuvok. Chakotay accepted the gesture with surprise, and even Tuvok patted the exuberant young nurse on the back when she hugged him enthusiastically.

"Well, do you believe in the legend of the lake now?" Hoda asked, taking one of Chakotay's hands and one of Kathryn's hands in hers.

The two exchanged a glance, and Kathryn said, "Chakotay is the one who first taught me the power of an ancient legend."

"He's a smart man."

"Why thank you, Hoda," Chakotay replied with a grin.

"You know, you two remind me of my Arvy and me, a long time ago. You complement each other. I know your life together will be just as wonderful as ours was. Have fun together."

"Thank you, Hoda. We will," said Kathryn. "Take care of yourself."

"Oh, I know how to take care of myself just fine."

Kathryn and Chakotay laughed, exchanging another glance. "We know!" They took turns hugging Hoda.

Tuvok stepped forward and held up his hand to the old woman. "Live long and prosper."

"Well, Tuvok, I think I already have, but thanks for the sentiment." She turned and looked at the two humans still standing on her lawn. "Get out of here, both of you, before you make an old lady cry."

Janeway turned to Chakotay and took his hand. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Erho put his arm around his mother and then saw Vihalla take his hand. She looked up at Chakotay and smiled. Together, they gazed out at the clear blue water of the lake. She took one last deep breath of the sweet smelling Laiffan air and tapped her comm badge. "Janeway to _Voyager_. Three to beam up."

...

"More wine?" Chakotay asked, holding up the half empty bottle.

"Sure." Kathryn extended her glass and let him pour the Bordeaux he had chosen for that evening. They were dining in the captain's quarters on _Voyager_ , having left Laiffa that morning. _Voyager_ was well on her way back to Earth, and Chakotay had finished a routine shift and then cooked her a delicious dinner. After filling both of their wine glasses, Chakotay took Kathryn's hand and led her over to the sofa, leaving the dirty dinner dishes on the table.

He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her against his chest. "You don't know how many dinners we shared in your quarters over the years that I wished would end just like this."

"Mmm," she murmured, nuzzling her head against his chest.

He looked down at her, seeing her eyes were far away. "Penny for your thoughts?"

"I was just thinking about Hoda and Erho and Vihalla. I became so close to all of them in such a short time, closer than I got to our crew in seven years."

"You weren't their captain," Chakotay observed.

"I know, and it felt good not to be. I had a girlfriend. For the first time in seven years, I had another woman who wanted to gossip and have a girls' night. Hoda reminded me so much of my grandmother, and Erho was so generous and thoughtful. He reminded me of you, actually."

"Did he?"

"He did, in a good way. I built real relationships with them." She was surprised when tears suddenly filled her eyes. "Now, I'm never going to see them again."

Chakotay took her wine glass from her hand and placed both of their glasses on the coffee table, then wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. "I know," he whispered, stroking her hair, holding her while her tears fell against his chest.

She wiped her eyes, trying to control her emotions. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be, Kathryn. I'm glad to be able to hold you like this."

"It's not just about Laiffa, you know," she said, sniffling.

"I know."

"I guess I feel a little lost."

He was surprised to hear her admit it, and he kissed the top of her head. "I don't think you're the only member of _Voyager_ 's crew feeling that way. We've all had a lot of changes in our lives over the past few months. It's a lot to process. And you've been through more than most, being marooned on an alien planet, having to adjust to life there on top of everything else. Not to mention that asshole Taisto."

She shuddered. "Don't remind me. He's one part of Laiffa that I'm glad to leave behind forever." She paused, thinking about what Chakotay had said. "What can we do to help them, Chakotay? Our crew. How can we help them adjust to their new lives?"

He shook his head. Leave it to Kathryn to immediately start thinking about how to help others rather than herself. "I think the biggest thing we can do is be there for them, let them know that we're here to talk and listen, even for those who aren't under our command any more."

"Yes. Let's do that. And when we have a place on Earth, let's have a party and invite everyone!" She stopped, pulling away from him, blushing. "I'm sorry. I just made a lot of assumptions there, didn't I?"

He was looking at her with a bemused expression on his face. "When I kissed you in your ready room, you said you wanted to take some time."

"That was almost three months ago. I had a lot of time to think on Laiffa, Chakotay."

"I can see that."

She looked away from him. "I should have said, when _I_ have a more permanent place on Earth, _I'll_ have a party and invite our crew."

Chakotay took both her hands in his, forcing her to meet his eyes. "Kathryn, if you were suggesting that we move in together…"

"I guess that's what I implied, isn't it?"

He squeezed her hands. "I don't want to rush into anything…" He paused as her face fell, although he could see her trying to hide her disappointment. "But I think getting a place together on Earth sounds like a wonderful idea." He saw his words sink in as her face lit up, and she leaned forward to kiss him full on the mouth. "You changed a lot on Laiffa," he observed.

"Really?"

"Well, maybe 'changed' isn't the right word. I've seen this side of you before, but only glimpses of it."

"Not having to bear the weight of a hundred and fifty lives stranded in the Delta Quadrant might have something to do with that," she said, settling back against him. "But you're right, my time on Laiffa made me realize a lot of things. It gave me a glimpse of a completely different way of living. New Earth did that, too, but I wasn't ready for it then; I was so focused on Voyager and our mission."

"I'm sure the people you met on Laiffa had something to do with it, too."

She nodded. "Erho and Hoda and Vihalla didn't know anything about Starfleet. They didn't see me as a starship captain and knew nothing about my duties and responsibilities. They only saw Kathryn. Being with them reminded me of parts of myself that I've almost forgotten over the last seven years."

"I think we're all going to have a journey towards rediscovering who we are now that we're not _Voyager_ 's crew stranded in the Delta Quadrant."

"Well, some of us are still _Voyager_ 's crew."

He pulled back from her to look her in the eye. "Are you jealous that Starfleet gave me command of _Voyager_?"

"No, not at all. It was my recommendation, actually, when they asked me if I thought that you were ready to captain your own ship."

"Really?" Chakotay felt tears spring to his own eyes.

"Yes, really. I knew that my time as _Voyager_ 's captain was over. It was time for me to move on to something new, even if I wasn't going to accept the promotion to admiral. The only person I'd want in _Voyager'_ s captain's chair is you."

"Thank you, Kathryn. I… I don't know what to say."

She grinned. "Well, you know what they say about when you don't know what to say." She leaned closer to him.

"No," he whispered, "what do they say?"

"Don't say anything at all." She leaned closer and brought her lips to his.

"That's another thing I fantasized about doing in this room after all those dinners we shared as captain and first officer," he murmured, as his hands skimmed the sides of her body.

"Chakotay?"

"What?"

"I thought we weren't talking anymore."

Grinning, he rolled her underneath him, and proceeded to show her exactly what he had fantasized about doing for all those years.


	7. Epilogue

**EPILOGUE**

"Wow!" exclaimed Tom Paris as he and B'Elanna walked past a large wooden cabin and were confronted with their first view of the lake.

"This is beautiful," agreed B'Elanna, carrying a one-year-old Miral while Tom carried the basket of fried chicken they had brought to the party.

"Wa-wa," said Miral, entranced by the large, blue lake. She started to squirm in her mother's arms.

"Just a minute, honey. We have to say hello to Auntie Kathryn and Uncle Chakotay. Then we can go play in the water."

Miral started to squirm even harder, until finally her mother had to put her down. Then the one year old was quickly toddling away from her parents. "Uncle Chacha!" she exclaimed. She laughed and squealed in delight as Chakotay tickled her belly, picking her up and tossing her over his shoulder. He carried her back over to her parents; she squealed all the way.

"B'Elanna, Tom, so good to see you. Glad you could make it!"

"This place is great, Chakotay!" enthused Tom as he looked around at the lakefront property, complete with dock, boathouse and fire pit.

"Isn't it?" Kathryn Janeway appeared from behind Chakotay and gave the newest arrivals a warm hug.

"Tom has the dish we brought," B'Elanna said.

"You can bring it into the kitchen," Janeway replied, pointing towards the house. "Seven, the Doctor and Chell are organizing everything."

"Great, thanks, Kathryn," replied Tom, bringing the basket up to the house.

Chakotay handed Miral back to B'Elanna. "Wa-wa!" the baby exclaimed, pointing at the lake.

"We brought her swimsuit," B'Elanna said.

"I hope you all brought suits," replied Janeway. "The water is wonderful." She gestured to the lake where Naomi and Icheb were already swimming. "As you can see."

"Where can we change?" B'Elanna asked.

"There's a changing room in the steam house," replied Chakotay.

"Steam house?"

"It was Kathryn's favorite thing on Laiffa. Fortunately, one of our friends there was kind enough to share his family design," Chakotay explained. "When we started looking for a lake place of our own, the first requirement was that the property be big enough for me to build a steam house. Come on, I'll show you." Chakotay led B'Elanna and Miral up the hill to show them the steam house.

"Captain!" The latest arrival to the party was Harry Kim, and Janeway waved him down the hill, to where a large group of the crew had congregated close to the lake. "Captain, this is beautiful."

"Harry, call me Kathryn! How many times do I have to tell you?"

"Yes, Captain. Uh, Kathryn." Kim blushed saying her first name; after all these years of calling her captain, it was hard to get used to.

Janeway told him where he could bring his contribution to the food table and gave him the lay of the land. As every member of the crew had upon arrival, he complimented her on the beautiful property. Janeway watched as her crew mingled on the lawn, came in and out of the house with fresh plates of food, and jumped in the lake with laughter and abandon. She smiled. This was exactly what she had envisioned when she and Chakotay had bought the property, a place where the entire _Voyager_ family could congregate and feel at home.

After returning from Laiffa, both she and Chakotay had moved out of their temporary Starfleet issue apartments and into a bigger apartment in San Francisco with a view of the bay. _Voyager_ 's assignments tended to be short, so Chakotay was only gone for weeks at a time. Kathryn was still waiting for reassignment after the destruction of the Explorer, so the San Francisco apartment was convenient for both of them and made it easy for her to commute to Starfleet Headquarters. They had known they wanted a lake place and it had simply been a matter of finding the right one. They had searched the world for the perfect place, and the house they had finally found, on a lake in northern Minnesota, reminded Kathryn of Hoda's property on Laiffa. The house was plenty big for the two of them, and there was room to sleep several guests in the finished basement. There was a large deck on the front of the house overlooking the water, where they frequently shared morning coffee or an evening glass of wine. The property had a dock and boathouse, and plenty of room for Chakotay to build a Laiffan steam house. Now that the steam house was complete, they had decided to have their first Voyager party, and had invited the entire crew out for an evening of swimming, steaming, eating and, most of all, being in the company of friends and family. By the look of things, the party was already off to a rip roaring success.

She felt an arm encircle her waist. "Enjoying yourself?" Chakotay murmured in her ear.

"Oh yes!" she replied, wrapping her arm around him. "It's perfect. How's the steam house holding up?"

"Tom, Harry and Mike are in there right now. I'd say it's a big hit so far."

"The kids certainly seem to be enjoying the lake. Think the adults will go in?"

Chakotay laughed. "Just wait till they get a little more Antarian cider in them, and I don't think it will be a problem." He leaned down to whisper in her ear. "By the way, I thought I'd keep the steam house hot after everyone leaves, just for us."

She stood on her tiptoes to whisper in his ear in return, "I like the way you think, Captain."

He hugged her tight and planted a firm kiss on her lips. Just then, Samantha Wildman called down from the house, asking for help with something in the kitchen, and Chakotay gave Kathryn another quick kiss and hurried up to help.

Kathryn Janeway turned back to watch her crew, who had become her friends and family, and smiled. She thought back to Hoda, and what the old Laiffan woman had said about her own life, and she looked up at the stars, towards Laiffa, where the old woman was, perhaps, standing on her dock and looking up at the stars, too. _You were right,_ Kathryn thought, _we are truly lucky._


End file.
